Crazy calculations

I just read somewhere that 60 is the new 40. I thought 50 was the new 40. Wasn't 60 the new 50? So I can only assume that 70 will soon be the new 50 not 60? What will 80 be? I'm confused. And for God's sake isn't anyone ever going to realize it doesn't matter because we're all going to die? What's up with this new subtraction? Do French people do this? Are we still mad at them? Is this calculation something to make us baby boomers feel better? Is it the big mind fuck? Do I really think I'm going to be 40 again? Do I want to be 40 again? Maybe, it was a good stretch for my hormones. Here's the catch, when I turn 60 I'll be the new 40, but my hormones won't know so they'll still be 60...crap.

Ironically I couldn't wait to turn 30. Apparently most people find 30 traumatizing , but for me it was a piece of cake. I was so confident about how young I looked for my age I couldn't wait to blurt out the number. Hey, look at me, I'm 30..35...oh my God, wait!, no, no, not 40! Forty was a killer and then it wasn't the new 30. I freaked. My friend Bob pulled me aside one day and told me I was "Taking it far too seriously." Forty sounded so close to 95. But surprise! not as close as 50. Does fifty just have too many fs? And there's 60 out on the horizon all big with an "x" in the middle. I've never had an "x" before.

Am I one of those baby boomers fudging the numbers, cooking the books, re-inventing subtraction, waiting to be the new 50, 40, 30? I'll let you know when I turn 21 again.