Sunday, October 7, 2007

Thanks, Bill Clinton

I owe Bill Clinton a thank you note. I can't speak for all women but he did me a huge favor. He helped me think in an entirely new way. I feel more liberated and less vulnerable; what more could I ask for from an ex-President? I don't know when it dawned on me, what day, what time, what I was wearing, or who I was with but thank you Bill Clinton for helping me decide, like you, that a blow job isn't sex. This is a good thing. Sex is a huge deal for women and anyone who doesn't believe this is LYING to herself. For men it's no biggie but for women it is almost an engagement ring . We have sex and we're attached, like barnacles to a shipwreck, only we're the barnacles and the wrecks! "I've slept with him, why doesn't he call?" "I can't believe I had sex with him and he didn't ask me out for Saturday night." "I slept with him and it was so great but I haven't heard from him." That feels pretty crappy. I've come to realize the more narrowly you define sex, the less sex you're having, and therefore the less attached and emotional you feel. Thanks Bill, this helps me out .

And if any men are listening a blow job really isn't that intimate. Women know if you could do it yourself you would. Life would be far less complicated for everyone that way. The other reality check for you guys out there is that women really are just not that into it. Oh we do it, but if you yank the truth out of us, no one's that anxious to get the job. Sorry, did I say "job"? I guess it can be a time to think, or remember what you have to pick up at the store. My girlfriend gave me the finer tips on giving a blow job over the phone , so how difficult can it be? And face it girls and this is difficult, I'm betting there's no such thing as a bad one . Feeling more emotional about your man now? Bill I agree this is not sex or intimacy, it's like getting the oil changed in your car. Do it every 3,000 or 7,500 miles but no need to cry.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are so funny and so right, women do tend to fall-in-love in bed, men tend to pull down their pants for a BJ and it doesn't matter if the woman is toothless. As a matter of fact, and being real, I would give Billy boy a blow job anytime as long as it is in the oval office, I would "change my ways", not for a man, but just to say that I did it at the white house. Do you think Hilary would join? I'll take them both but as long as it takes place at the Oval office, other than that I rather be a cat who can reach down and satisfy without having to explain to a woman why I didn't call her back the next day.
A friend of mine said to me, stop bitching about "the after sex calling game" that gets on my nerves, get a sex toy, once you are done you don’t have to say thank you, unless you run out of batteries and you beg your next door neighbor to give you the 2 AA's that are on their kitchen clock, or just call Monica L and ask her out on a date, oh wait! You are not into women, it’s ok, blowjobs or no blowjobs, casual sex is the best, just don't wonder why instead of a wedding ring he brings a cock ring to the next date.