For God's sake as if it wasn't bad enough that last week I learned having even 1 drink can raise the rate of breast cancer in women, now some bozo has written a book that carbohydrates can kill you! Huh? I can't drink, and now I can't eat a piece of bread or an Oreo. Is this a life? Oh , did I mention the author says that since exercise makes people hungry, which makes them want to eat, and can therefore make them fat, perhaps we shouldn't exercise either. Come on now, enough with the pretzel logic. This means that the exercise we're all obsessed with because it lowers cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure and just about all bodily processes that need to be lower, is bad. I need a drink. I feel very anxious. I'm a runner, I'm hungry. My refrigerator holds the one food group that makes me happy; carbohydrates. By the way I still have two bottles of white wine in there, so I'm blowing off last weeks alert.
And Thank the Lord I'm no longer raising children, because it just gets worse (I should obviously stop watching the news , it makes me too emotional). It seems that high fructose corn syrup is the culprit that's making children fat and it's in EVERYTHING! There on my tv screen is a mother reading the ingredient label on the sides of cans. What kind of life is that? I can hardly see the labels no less read them. This must be why there's menopause, because we're too old to read the ingredients and therefore too old to have children we have to feed. It makes sense and explains the memory loss.
No wine, no carbohydrates, no exercise, no high fructose corn syrup (I'm assumimg it's just a matter of days before I hear this applies to adults also), is there a reason to get up? What's left for me, Shirley Temples, tofu, lying down, and lima beans? I vow to stop watching the news.
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