I'ts a mad world after all

It's official the world around me has gone mad. Or perhaps we're in the final stage of the "Fall of the American Empire". It's not due to global warming or some drug resistant super bug. Not air pollution, or the drinking water. Not the disolving of the ozone, or melting ice caps. Not flu from Chinese chickens, or the Ebola virus. Not sub- prime mortgages, or a plummeting Dow Jones. Not the left wing or the right wing. Or even the Christian Coalition. Not George Bush and although it would seem logical it's Dick Cheney, it's not . Not the NRA or IRS. Not my imagination or hormone levels. It's coffee.

Coffee drinks have taken over our minds and sanity. I've witnessed the madness. I've stood in the line . I've heard the language. Do they teach this in the school system now? Is coffee the new Latin? I for one need a translator as the words that are barked from one barrista to the next are foreign to my ears. Huh? is really all that comes to my mind. I don't even think the word "coffee" is part of the vernacular; it's far more complex. There is no "I'll have a cup of coffee". I think "cafe latte "is Coffee 101. And I've noticed that no one in line is happy. They're angrily pushing and making sure I haven't somehow displaced them. Take it easy people, slow down, I'll wait my turn. And you might want to try the Xanax line that forms to the right, I'm not sure caffeine is a good idea right now.

I'm wondering isn't non fat whip cream an oxymoron? Have real whip cream for God's sake, it's all fattening. Half, half caf, what does that mean??? Or grande , but not too grande, a little less than half grande, with latte, half steamed, half air, half non fat, half mocha,... do you have non fat mocha? I for one, think it's all the same drink and no one knows because their order is so nonsensical. My son who worked as a barrista one summer insists this isn't true. He was very good in Latin so I stand corrected. To make matters worse ,and the line a far more congested angry place, parents are ordering these cryptic drinks for their children, "I want a shot of chocolate, but not all the way to the top, with half whole milk, half skim, in a grande size cup but only filled part way , oh and make that hot, but not too hot." What happened to Bosco in a glass of milk at home?

Is this madness or am I the one that's crazy? Am I resisting change? Am I old and set in my ways? Should I speak up and order in this new language? Or does this crazy coffee talk really mean "I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL OF SOMETHING IN MY LIFE!" I don't blame you, I'd like to be in control of something in my life also, but I just want a simple cup of coffee.