Statistics and.Dr.Phil

The smiling face of Dr. Phil kept popping up on my computer screen. It seemed he was the new "voice" of Match.com and I assumed from all the advertising ,I was supposed to take joy and comfort in this news.  Finally someone who could find me a date? Should I sign up again because Dr. Phil is a difference maker? I wondered if he'd be sitting up nights cross referencing my questionnaire and getting to know the true me.  Could he find my man, because I sure as hell couldn't. I've tried before and I hoped that this new improved Match.com would let the doc yell at men through the computer screen when they lied on their personal profile, or reach out and slap them back into reality.

Dr. Phil, dating guru ,tell me this, why don't men answer honestly? The questions aren't tricky. Not one person I met resembled the information they gave. In college it was called cheating on a test. There should be a web-site where profile abusers are "wanted" or a cyber citizen's arrest. After three tickets you're banished from the internet and forced back to the land of personal ads. The Doctor could be captain of the dating police.

I didn't get it. If you're bald, is wearing a baseball hat in all of your profile pictures fair? Are you never planning on taking the hat off? Do you sleep with it on? Have sex with it on? What if we meet on a really windy day? No offense hat guy but it is a leap of faith from the cutie in the Yankees' hat with brown hair around the edges to "male pattern baldness". Please, I beg you avoid the element of surprise!

The height question seems to be a real challenge for men. How tall are you isn't a test of one's imagination. Height is a number not wish fulfillment. If for some reason you don't know, use a tape measure or mark the wall like mom used to do. The question is not , what height do you want to be?

I found a man on a dating site, who looked pleasant enough, he was in tennis clothes standing by his car. He listed his height as 5'9" . That's ok with me, and I agreed to meet him for a drink. I arrived at the bar, he recognized me and stood up to introduce himself. A man who looks me straight in the eyes is 5'4 1/2". My skirt length would be perfect for him. I could wear his jeans without shortening them.  He is not 5'9". I'm sorry you want to be taller, so do I, but if you're not that 5'9" person at least be an honest one.  Internet dating math has replaced the "new math" that came into vogue when I was in 2nd grade. I didn't get it then and I don't get it now, but I believe the formula is ,their stated height minus 2 1/2 inches equals the man waiting at the bar.

Surprisingly men lie about their age. I thought that was the exclusive domain of women and yes, we are allowed.  Men aren't.  Isn't it enough that they can pull off gray hair successfully? I went out with a man who in "profile" life was 66 but in real life was 76.  That was quite a fudging of the numbers or was he becoming senile and forgot?  

 I just had one more quick math question for the Doctor, how could he find me a man when statistics say it was more likely that a woman my age would be hit by lightening than find a partner?