I feel bad about my face.....and neck.

I just spent my entire 401K on skin care products. I can't decide whether to faint or hang myself. The most I ever paid for moisturizer to date was $7.99 and now in my possession are two jars of cream more costly than my rent. Who does this? Maybe Paris or Ivana but not someone who is too cheap to take the tollway. I've obviously lost my mind and... apartment. It was my sister's fault; she's the culprit. It really feels better to blame someone. She let me try her new wonder products, and threatened my life if I dropped one of the jars. The sales girl told her it takes just a tiny dab of cream and voila that dewy pre-menopausal complexion will return. So Mother Nature, it may cost me, but I'm getting revenge. I triumphantly dabbed and stared in the mirror. "Come on, come on, I don't have all day"! Crap, no dewiness but my skin felt nice.

"Nice" required a bank loan. I gasped as the woman behind the make-up counter at Neimans added up my bill. Oh God, and the banks are so stingy because of the mortgage crisis. I could strangle Alan Greenspan. I'd like to see the bills from his wife's plastic surgeon; I bet that money could have fed a third world country. Andrea, stop with the face-lifts, you're in the scary zone. I'm already afraid I might turn to stone looking at you. The girlfriends and I have determined face lifts don't make anyone look younger; they just make you look like you had a face lift. Btw Nora Ephron, "I hate my neck" too and ixnay to the turtleneck as a solution, no one looks good in them past the age of 55.

I've stuck my Neiman's charge card away in a drawer and put retirement on permanent hold. I have placed the jars of "miracle working" face and eye cream far, far away from the edge of the sink. (I think I would have to be hospitalized if one broke). I'm dutifully dabbing and of course staring. Sadly not much to report. I admit I have more than a twinge of buyer's remorse and think about my $7.99 moisturizer a lot.