No Cooking Required

I have no New Year's resolutions. Oh wait, I do. I resolve to have sex in the kitchen. Does anyone really do this? It's always mentioned in the conversation about "places you've had sex other than the bedroom", but then everyone shakes their head "no". It's not the normal type of New Year's resolution, but I don't need to lose weight so what's left? Every daytime tv show is pushing weight loss in 2009; I wish they would make other suggestions. There are a few people in America who aren't fat. A bit of reverse discrimination, wouldn't you say? Matt Lauer, you're not overweight, so find another subject ok? Oprah, you do whatever you want. Dr. Phil, you might want to put in some gym time after the lst.

Let's see, in 2008 I could be nicer, but then my friends would think I was sick and dying. It's better to remain a little cranky and neurotic for their sake; I wouldn't want to worry anyone. I could whine less; but whhhhhy? I could spend more time in the grocery store . Again I have to ask myself why, when I've perfected the one meal at a time, lifestyle. I could drink less red wine but that would just be stupid. I could go to the movies more, but that isn't really a resolution. I could get a colonoscopy. It is a popular event in my peer group, actually more than going to a movie. Imagine how cranky and whiney I could get before I drink all that horrid liquid. I could actually be dragged crying and screaming all the way to the procedure; I'm liking this, it could be my first real resolution. Maybe 2009 is the year to kick the "All My Children" addiction. Thirty years is a long time to have the Erica Kane needle in my vein, but then I think about how much we've been through together and we've started to color and wear our hair the same way. I'm not sure I can leave her yet. I do think however, it's too late to catch up in the husband race. I've fallen way too far behind and even though she's not getting older, I am. Sadly I'll never even catch Liz.

It looks like I have one tentative and one for sure resolution. I'm iffy on the colonoscopy; oh I know I should and it costs about the same as a movie with a large popcorn and diet Coke, so maybe. Sex in the kitchen doesn't require shopping or cooking so I think that's a definite for 2009.