Post script hysteria

Dr Phil wake up! I'm handing this issue off to you because I can't take the stories anymore. I'm nauseous and anxious. As I mentioned in my previous blog, it's your job not mine to pound some sense into the heads of women internet daters. So Doc get off your ass and get these women to stop having sex on the first , second or without sounding like Mother Superior, ( btw I would look terrible in her clothes as anything with such a high collar makes my neck look wrinkled and I really like short skirts better), third date. I can hardly believe I'm saying this again but I'm begging you to get to know someone. These men are strangers! And I've stopped caring about how horny anyone is, get a "jackrabbit". They come in a lovely candy apple red and you can order them on-line as easily as you can "wink" at someone on Match.com.

Why am I still on this soap box? I am getting dizzy and oxygen deprived being up here so long but no sooner had I finished writing about my friend Sam ("The horror, the horror") and his dating travels, than he called and told me how his week was going. Keep track here.... he checked in with me on Friday. To keep the story straight, it was only five days since his weekend with the woman who invited him to stay in her house. Now she thinks he's her boyfriend. Great. The day before he left on that trip however, he had a date with another internet woman . "We went dancing, it was fun. She was a good dancer", Sam mentions very nonchalantly. Big fucking deal girls, fun is nice but it's doesn't mean an engagement ring is forthcoming. Remember your "jack rabbit" can be fun also. He came home from his road trip and immediately went out for pizza with the dance date woman again. This was date two. She invited him over to her house after cheese and pepperoni and proceeded to have sex with him. Great. "She was nice, I didn't like her house though". "Didn't you just meet her?", I exclaim. I'm getting very tired of exclaiming! "Yea, last Friday". It was Wednesday. THURSDAY, he met a brand new woman for a drink, a simple innocent drink. It's so easy to get up when you're finished and say "good-bye, thanks". For God's sake a two year old can say "bye-bye". Even if lightening bolts and sparks are flying around and you're dizzy with desire, and you can hardly breathe, choke out "goodnight" NOT, "would you like to come over." He went home with her and no sooner than they walked in the door she started taking off her clothes. Huh? Dr. Phil why is she doing this? Remember Mr. Stranger Danger from childhood? So Boyscout Sam said he wouldn't have sex without a condom. Kudos to someone. He didn't have one because it was just a drink remember? She asked, "have you had sex recently?" PAY ATTENTION NOW, he didn't say "yes, last night" he said "no". She then shrugged she didn't care about a condom. Who else is feeling queesy, yet able to scream? Well sorry woman with no clothes on, no sex without protection. He left.

And that was his week. Nothing special really, but we did get a giggle about his escapades. Are you pissed off I'm not lecturing him? Should I have screamed, "you're a slut", hung up the phone, outraged for all women ? He's the one getting the offers. I'm the one hearing the stories and shocked he's getting so many. My advice to women internet daters is to hang in there, take some time window shopping for a man, get to know your "jackrabbit", maybe it's all you really need until a good offer comes YOUR way.