AHHHHHHHH reality

He's back! Dr. Ahmet Oz is budding into my life again with good advice for my well being. Where does Oprah find these cheery advice givers? Personally I'd prefer if some day she had a confirmed existentialist sitting across from her and telling the audience how we're all living in a dark void. There, doesn't that clear things up immediately? Being concerned about good health and happiness really isn't necessary after that. So much simpler, and less confusing isn't it? In the meantime Dr. Oz is offering, "Stress Management 101" for 2008. For God's sake I have two more weeks to go in 07 , let me feel stress in peace. And why is he always in surgical scrubs; it seems he's on Oprah more than he's in the operating room. Get some street clothes Doc.

MINDFULNESS , mindfulness, mindfulness, is the key to a stress free life says the good doctor. He says I should live in the moment without judgement. What moment are we talking about? The moment I discovered someone backed into my car and cracked my bumper in half? Should I take a deep breath and feel the love? Should I embrace my $250 deductable because the person didn't leave a note claiming responsibility? I'm in the moment of seeing my bumper hanging off my car and I'm mindful of what a freaking pain in the ass it's going to be to get it fixed. AHHHHH, doc this feels great.

PAY ATTENTION to your mind and body, notice things in the present he says. I rush to the mirror and notice I look like crap; my eyes are bloodshot and my roots desperately need color. My skin is dry and itchy, and I slump to the floor from fatigue. In my new attentive state on the floor I notice it needs cleaning as does the tub. This immediately depresses me, so I know I'm in the present. You're right doc I'm at peace.

ACKNOWLEDGE PRESENT MOMENT reality as it actually is, he urges. I run to the window, yep, there's snow, ice, no sun, and the thermometer reads 22 degrees. It hits me, it's really winter. I suddenly notice I'm shivering, pasty white and wearing flip flops. Oh my God, it's only December, I have Jan, Feb, March, and possibly April of this reality. I feel the blood drain from my face , my breathing become shallow , and an urge to jump in my car and drive to Florida. Wait! I can't do that I have to get the bumper fixed. You're right doc I'm one with the universe.

I think I'm going to forget about a stress free life as "Stress Management 101" has made me anxious. Perhaps mindful reality is too stressful for me and I'll just wait for Oprah to have on an existentialist.