I'm a call screener. Sorry for any of you who call me, but it's true. Don't be sad, 99% of the time I pick up because who am I kidding , I'm desperate for real time conversation. No, I don't text....I TALK! Fyi text messages get left unread. My nerves are ususally too jangled to push the tiny letters to text back. I tried it on my son's Iphone and started crying when he stopped me from throwing it out the car window. "Mom, you'll get it, just be patient", he said as he grabbed my arm. PATIENT! PATIENT!? My fingers missed every letter I aimed for...my texting career came to an end.
I try as hard as I psychologically can to pick up the phone when my Mom calls. She calls a lot. She's 91 so there's always the guilty tug of war with myself when I see her on caller ID. Not again!? I'm tempted to screen but... what if she fell down, fell over, was gasping for breath, drove into a building (true)....but she just called 15 minutes ago about needing a manicure.... so it's nothing.....but what if it's something.....nah, it's nothing..... but what if? My head is spinning ....I'm a Jew, I pick up.
"Gail, Gail"! Crap, she was really gasping for breath this time. I go into emergency voice mode, "Mom, what? WHAT"?! "There's bad news". Oy. "What do you mean"? "I'm at the beauty shop". She's having a heart attack at the beauty shop? "It's Liz, she's leaving....Friday is her last day". "Huh"? "If you need color, make an appointment immediately"! "Huh"? "Are your roots grey because she's moving to Tampa". I stared at the phone in my shaking hand and vowed to screen more carefully. "Bye Mom". Nerves shattered I burst into tears. Call me if you know a good colorist, I promise to pick up.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
To add insult to injury, a friend, our age, went to China -SHE HAS MONEY TO TRAVEL WITH HER KIDS TO CHINA!!!-where she "saved money" purchasing an I-phone. Of course, the keys are large, readable, and now she texts like crazy. Oh to be thin and rich, wait, you are thin!!!!
Gail, I think you're being way too hard on your mom here. If my colorist took off, I would bypass family completely and go straight for 911. (Though I probably shouldn't make light of hair color emergencies. My former colorist, a guy named Frank Ringi, was actually gunned down in his shop by an Aryan supremacist back in the late 80s. The guy didn't believe dark haired people should be allowed to go blonde. A terrible thing for Frank Ringi, of course, but I always thought of the poor women who were halfway through their processing when the shots rang out...)
I tried texting ONCE. Smoke signals would have been more efficient.
May all your emergencies with mom be minor ones!
OMG Gail! That is so sad.. Really sad, it's sad for me to know that your mom is just like mine. Are they twins? It could happen you know? I feel your pain... When it comes to texting, don't test Gail, you are already at a verge of psycho collapse so save yourself from another info-tech gadget, stay away from texting and stay away from hair coloring, ok maybe not, I just remember we are no longer teens.
Did I tell about that the last time I went to a nail salon (not for me but for my girlfriend) I sat down in one of those chairs that gives you a massage, you know the ones with a remote control, which by the way I wish someone invented a full size remote control sex partner, but anyway...about 15 minutes later I asked the manicurist if she had a bong and some Pink Floyd music, I was so high on nail polish fumes that I swear I was flyyyying that’s when I came up with the "remote control sex partner" by the way. I haven't felt like that since the 90's.. Anyway talking about GUILT I realized I was high on cranberry red nail polish fumes that I decided to walk outside and smoke a cig (this is before I quit smoking of course) the manager came out, Asian woman and said "why you smoke? Smoking no good, bad fo’ yo’ lung" I looked at her and said "You work in there?" she said "yes I manage here every day, 5 day week 8 hour day" I said "and you think those fumes you inhale 8 hours a day 5 days a week are better than this smoke?" "Oh no, we have fans, we use mask too, we ah Asians this no bother us but smoking no good fo' you, this no good too but smoke, is bad bad baaad very very bad fo’ you lung" I decided not to discuss it anymore, I was high and she is forever high and I can remember in my "getn' high days" that discussions about health can go on and on and on and on so then I said to myself "Self?, I guess if I worked at a nail salon and was high all the time I wouldn't need cigarettes"....Not to worry, I didn't apply.
So next time your mom calls why don't you text her back "what do you need and are you ok" she can't text so if it's a real emergency she will find a way to text back, if not, then your phone will continue to ring over and over again, but then again you will think she is dieing for sure... you know how our moms are and the worse part is that we fall into their crazy lifestyle.
Frank Ringi, rest in peace. Never met him but the story touched,,, ok almost touched me. Poor guy.
Ok my one bottle of wine is all gone bye bye, thank goodness I have a case.. Merlot anyone? Pass your glass... Wait! Lets go get our nails done why don't we. I'll bring the Pink Floyd and Bob Dylan CD, who's bringing something to munch on...Lets call our moms and tell them to meet us there, I would love to see your mom and mine higher than a kite… Ok maybe not… they could get in a fight… It’s ok , let them fight, we have wine and nail polish fumes, who cares!
Lets talk about this, Text me please.
Post a Comment