Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Don't call me, I'll call you.

Got "SLYDIAL"? Wow, it sounds too good to be true;new technology rocks. No more nasty, bitter break-up talks, or that necessary but dreaded conversation with the ex about a late alimony payment. "Slydial" means never having someone on the other end of the phone again. It's almost poetry. There's no risk of a real person in real time answering, you get zapped directly to voice mail and voila you leave a message... no muss, no fussy person. Lord have mercy. To think I could have saved my vocal cords and sanity during my divorce brings tears to my eyes. To say nothing of the phones I broke heaving them against the wall. No, I did not need an anger management class, just a new phone.

Lighten up, "Slydial" isn't cold and impersonal; it's freeing and verbally liberating. No matter how well I've planned a break-up speech the other person always messed it up by expressing their feelings. Having to interrupt with , "I'm not a selfish bitch who hates your mother" always screwed up the flow. And speaking of mothers, sorry Mom, but "Slydial" is perfect for us. "I'll see you at 4:00" doesn't mean "what did you do yesterday"? See how great this will be? I may get a job just because it would be so easy to call in sick. I am not weak and cowardly, I'm a time saver.

This is so much better than text messages. Watching all those crazy texters with their thumbs and fingers flying a mile a minute across the tiny tiny keys makes me crazy. Besides, wacky word abbreviations are mind numbing. So rest assured I will not send some impersonal break-up text message any time soon. It will be a cowardly voice mail.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Just slip out the back Jack, no reason to be coy Roy etc" Hey "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" in hi-tech. Do you have it in "Green" for us of the new, politically correct set.

Just look at all the people who could have used this Bill Clinton....... I agree about the simplicity of this non-interfereable system. I, and most people I know who do this "live and in person" start off wrong by giving too many reasons for the breakup. "You talk too much, you're not nice to my kids, you belch at the table, you are too fat, a poor dresser, a selfish lover, always want me to buy you stuff and you're Hungarian.

"I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T LOVE YOU. Please return the ring, my pillows, the yellow slacks with the spiders on them, the unused little things with the feathers on them and my rubber duck. Mine was the yellow one with the broken tail. Just send them ground transportation. You shouldn't have to spend a lot of money. OH yeah!! And, it's me not you.

Bart

Anonymous said...

funny blog. perfect for moms. don't know what SLYDIAL is? please explain.

Anonymous said...

Gail Maria- I love it and have already signed up.