Please don't marry me!

I love weddings. As long as they're not mine. They are a jinx for me . I'm a much better date than wife. Trust me. As for attending weddings, I have a strict rule of thumb...never go unescorted. I made the hideous mistake of going alone once and ended up sitting by myself while everyone else was dancing. That sucked. I felt like crawling under the table or better yet out the door. So if an invitation isn't addressed to me "and guest" I ixnay the whole event. The nuptuals of little Jenna Bush brought my horrible memories to mind. Wow, Jenna's all grown up! And no, I don't know her, but I do want to personally thank her for not getting married in the White House. It would be bad timing with the economy tanking and the endless war in Iraq, wouldn't it? I imagine she would have had a lot of uninvited guests out front. She was wise to hide away in Crawford, Texas. I wonder if Cindy Sheehan was invited; at least she knows how to get there.

I didn't get an invitation, but apparently I can buy a souvenir cup. Nah. I'm excited that Dick Cheney might finally get to go somewhere fun. Is he still in hiding? I haven't seen hide nor hair of him in ages. Rumor has it Air Force ll has been spotted sitting in Jackson Hole Wyoming for quite a while. I can only assume the poor man's exhausted. Does he work? He is, none the less, quite a little money making machine. I hope Jenna or her dad toasts him for funneling so much cash into their "on" or "off" shore accounts since 2000. Maybe he bought Jenna's dress or paid for the whole shindig. Please someone ask him to dance.

And I am NOT sour grapes! I had nothing appropriate to wear and I chipped a tooth. I couldn't go with a temporary crown for God's sake. Besides, if I couldn't bring a guest I could be stuck sitting alone in the back not dancing. I can't wait to see pictures ... oh crap, they have F-16s circling over the ranch to keep the press away. Is that a gift from the taxpayers? I pray it isn't, as I have quite a dental bill in my future. Better than a wedding.