"Help me if you can I'm feeling down"

I'm exhausted. I'm terrified. I'm confused.
The weather has worn me out. Picture this: long underwear, jeans, two pairs of socks, an undershirt, 2 cashmere sweaters, a scarf, a face/neck warmer, mittens, hat, down parka and boots. It took 15 minutes to put on this sexy little outfit. Moving around in it is difficult yet necessary because weather death is out there. Turn on the tv, pick up the newspaper, temperature terrorism is back! Get in out of the cold, stay away from doors, and windows... duck, hide, get under the bed, pull the covers over your head, bundle up, layer up, give up. I take one slow step at a time as I walk the dog and with each breath I gasp an obscenity and grimace. I know this will cause wrinkles around my eyes and mouth. If I make it to spring I will need Botox. I leave my pile of clothes at the door exhausted from having worn them. I remain awed by the stamina of Heidi, but then again small children are much more resilient and stupid. She should have moved to the south of France. I go back to bed and vow to sleep out the winter.

I'm terrified of the headlines. Every morning the news of a forthcoming recession gets worse. "RECESSION" is coming, recession is coming"! Oh God, now what should I do? I could cancel the paper, but it's on the internet and the lead story on all the newscasts. Even the President who remains so happy/optimistic about the war and giving money to Pakistan appeared on my tv with an expression unusual for him ,"concern". At last he's reading the paper. Of course the man will never feel my financial pain, which would in fact lift my spirits. I did manage to sell my property before the real estate bubble BURST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what a mighty mess it's making. I do have good credit, of course that's useless without money. How come the mortgage industry didn't think of that? Hello, you freaking idiots. Time to cut off everyone's "a.r.m.s"? I faint at the sight of blood. I've enjoyed my name, even in it's many marital reincarnations and if I get a notice that my bank has been sold to China and I've been reduced to symbols I'll be very cranky. Is it time for the LEDGE? Anyone want to join me? How about you Alan Greenspan? Am I premature? I could be a trendsetter. Oh, wait I can't, the weatherman told me to stay away from windows.

I'm confused. Who's running for President? Is my mother? I haven't talked to her lately. Forget Mom, she's not running, she just phoned and is too busy with "last call" at Neimans. So who's left... Rudy, Mitt, John, Mike, Hillary,Barack, John, and maybe Michael. Is that it? If I've missed anyone please let me know. Everyday someone's either dropping out or in. They're flipping, flopping, whining, finger pointing, accusing, and even crying. My head is spinning, like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist". I only hope this election the voters won't again choose the person they'd most like to join them in a beer. It's really not a good reason; health care , but not happy hour with the Commander in Chief. That just didn't work out well. I haven't decided yet. I'm carefully watching the debates. I'm committed to making an informed decision but at the moment I just want a beer and not with the President.