Just when I thought my guy Sam was engaged and off the dating market...he's baaaaaack. Admitedly not as huge an announcement as the return of Michael Jordan but surprising none-the-less. "Wow cute engaged guy what happened?" I was finally beginning to believe that maybe there really is "someone for everyone" as my Mom likes to say or "it only takes one" as my Dad espouses as he stares at me. Sorry folks but my boy Sam is single again after only a few engaged weeks. Whoa that's a mind bender. Thankfully I didn't buy a gift or send a card because then I'd definitely be really sad. I'm cheap we know that. I was excited after what seemed like 300 years on Match.com. that his search for the "right" woman came to an end. I think the site should provide tenure status for people who have been members for over ten years. Free membership for the tenured or at least a health care plan.
Here's the problem in mid-life dating - who really is that person sitting across the table? I went out with a man who seemed perfect for me. He was successful , we laughed, shared the same politics, he was tall... all good until he had the fifth glass of wine. Then my cutie turned into psycho drunk and I was his target. Hey buddy back off and so long Mr. Perfect. Or how about the lawyer I dated with the fabulous second home which he admitted quite happily was owned by the bank because he stopped paying his mortgage so his wife couldn't get it in their divorce settlement. Impressive thinking and bye-bye Mr. Sleezy. And just for giggles, the professor who mentioned with pride the best year of his marriage was the one in which his wife was dying. Uh oh would we only find happiness if he outlived me? Not ready to sign up for that tour of duty, adios Dr. Demento.
Is it necessary to do a complete background check before the first date? By 50 we have so much baggage that a team of Sherpas to schlep it around is pretty much mandatory. (And sadly the closest I'll get to my fantasy of climbing Mt. Everest.) Seeing as how I need to hire a private investigator in order to go on a date I sure hope Match.com likes my tenure idea.
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add to that a Health Certificate before dating someone...
OMG I forgot about the necessary "note from your doctor."
Drunks, womanizers, men & women w/o the financial resources to survive. The world is loaded with troubles and troubled people.
What if someone marries another someone with lots of $ and they lose it all? What happens if someone married a great body and the great body turns to flab? Here's one, you marry someone who says they enjoy your company and while you're sleeping they sew themselves to you so you're never w/o them?
Being with someone (married or not) could be a calming peaceful experience or it could be a continuation of the past with fear of the future and no roadmap. Crap.
I really feel terrible about Sam and Jennifer and I don't even know them. I hope the split was mutual!
Nope the split wasn't mutual but don't despair they're back together...my head is spinning. stay tuned.
Darling! Darling! Darling! I thought we blogged the solution before but I will say it again. Background check is a MUST. Take dating like if you were a job recruiter.
Step 1: You search on the internet for a good qualified candidate using key words such as "has a job" "gainfully retired" "no viagra needed" "drinker but not a drunk" "travel" and most important for me "CHILDREN NOT LIVING AT HOME"
Step 2: Start with an e-mail and ask for resume (yes you must know his/her job situation, if the resume looks like the yellow pages RUN.
Step 3: Meet at a public place
Step 4: ask several questions such as "Why did you and your ex break up?" "If I ask your ex what she/he thinks of you what would she/he say?" etc.
Step 5: Ask for a second date (if he/she passed the first interview of course) and tell him/her to pick the place. I hate when I have to be the one that ALWAYS decides where to go. I Detest when I ask "where would you like to go? and the answer is "I don't know where would YOU like to go" my response has been "I picked the first time and now I want to see if YOU have an imagination"'
Step 6: Check background, not only through your state "warrants for arrest" but also google their e-mail address and name and see what you find.
If they pass that test then GO FOR IT if they don't then say to your self "SELF? Who's next on the list?".
About San and Jennifer, break up/ make up just because it was over for few weeks or days, my advise is to never even EVER think it's over until they have been split up for months and then get your friend drunk and celebrate the break up or make up.
About baggage. Here is my theory, yes we all have baggage, as long as that baggage can fit in an overhead compartment of a 747 is ok but if you see that the baggage handlers have to use a lift to shove it in the big compartment then that is way too much.
That's the advise of the one, the only Viking Jen...Where is Dr Ruth when you need her?.
Viking Jen Jen - Right again my darling. You are the Dr. Ruth of gonepausal. Great advice to the love seeking. And love stupid.
Gail darling I now love you more that ever before, you have given me the right to be your Dr Ruth, a royal title I always dreamed of, thank you, gracias, Toda Raba. I LOVE IT. Like we say in Texas YEEEEHA! Don't forget to carry a condom please.
Oh! Oh! Oh! one more thing girls and boys, Don't forget to ask the one real question "Do you get along with your family and how often do you call your family" If the answer is "They've disowned me" (and they are not gay, cos some parents of gay people are stupid that way)then really really REALLY go to America's Most Wanted website and see if their picture is there.
More advice from Dr. Ruth a.k.a. Viking Jen
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