Japenese Food is Complicated but Colorful

I love Japanese food but it's confusing. "Let's go for Japanese!" sends chills down my spine and I feel a nervous rash breaking out on my cheek. Japanese food sure looks fun though doesn't it? It's fresh (hopefully), colorful, and groovy to eat. I'm handy with the chopsticks and don't mind resorting to my fingers if I can't grab something and it falls on my plate. Admitedly, I'm totally excited until I read the menu. Then my brain starts to hurt. OMG what do all these crazy combinations mean, and do they really eat avocadoes in Japan? Why, does every roll include the California fruit? Are the Japanese longing to surf and drink a hearty Cabernet also?

I spend more time decifering the menu than eating. Thankfully some Japanese restaurants come with cheat sheets so I can match the name of the mysterious fish to a picture. I have to make absolutely certain I'm not eating anything that has legs. Creepy! No legs for this girl. I study the menu like it's an SAT exam and everyone else is happily ready to order. This makes me anxious and I feel my rash getting bigger. My friends rattle out what they want and I'm still at "huh?" The waitress stares at me and I start asking questions like "Are you sure this doesn't have legs? "No ma'am no legs," she reassures me but what if she's just saying that? I'm torn between seven different varieties of rolls and 12 kinds of sushi. I'm crazily reading and matching tekka-maki, kappa-maki, hamaguri and, tamago with pictures. I want to blurt out "I'll have a turkey burger" but know that will ruin everyone's evening. I swig down my large size Saki to relieve the pressure I'm under and promise myself from now on I'll only go out for Italian.

Ultimately I always place the same sushi order : 3 salmon, 2 tuna, 1 yellow tail, 1 shrimp and 1 tamago. I eat every last piece of fish and grain of rice. I'm still hungry but thankfully my rash is gone. Later that night I order a pizza.