Got Botox? I don't. But I'm thinkin' about it. Hey I'm in California, they may be bankrupt in two weeks but all the women have smooth smooth wrinkle free skin. (Oh, and nice plumpy lips). Last time I looked in the mirror I let out a gasp. Nothing too loud, but my unconscious must have been frightened. I spent some quality time staring at my forehead and noticed it furrowed a lot. Isn't facial expression passe'? A syringe full of magic paralytic agents and presto chango no wrinkles, or look of terror on my face. Thank God Hillary Clinton is already hip to this, as her botox injections will come in handy during tricky international negotiations. No reading her face anytime soon. Even my hero, Maureen Dowd, has no visible signs of expression or movement from the neck up. Not one teenie weenie twitch. Creepy and awesome!
Trying to look young sure is hard work. I watched my mom at the front lines of fighting age when I was growing up; it was painstaking and time consuming. A veritable arsenal of creams, lotions, potions, wands, and masks were her weapons to combat wrinkles. "Go mom, go"! At the time I thought she was nuts. I screamed when she came near me with her slimy smelly moisturizers. And even today with no help from paralytic injections, plumper uppers, or surgeon's scalpel, she's still fighting. "Never surrender" must be her battle cry. Personally, I feel defeated and want to burst into tears. I'm exhausted running from mirror to mirror trying to determine which one makes me look younger. I think it's the one in the guest bedroom and decide to live there from now on.
Whose wacked out idea was "growing old gracefully"? I'm growing old and don't know what to do... I'm torn between grace and Botox.
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3 comments:
I dated Grace once and think she is way nicer than Botox. And, she is not poison.
You should get a mirror like mine. I look way younger than my years but that mirror in the attic looks really old. I'm always up there looking at it and my mother keeps yelling. "Darien, you come down for breakfast right away and quit looking at that stupid picture. Damnedest thing.
I was going to rid my face of those lines that run down from each side of your nose (to your shoulder blades). I was waiting for the doctor to come into the room with a needle full of something but he had a trowel in one hand and a bag of mortar in the other. He was mumbling something about being beyond surgery.
I know! LIve in the middle east and wear one of those hats that come down to your shoulders.
go to the container store, they have saran wrap on a handy spool, just start at one jowl and wrap around to the other. you will look just like all your new california friends for only pennies.
Not sure if you've seen the movie Connie and Carla, they have a great line "If your man thinks that your face looks like a map tell him to hit the road"… Botox, not a good thing, try scotch tape, clothes pins, face exercises, or better yet, don't look at your face in the mirror although that would be impossible while putting on make-up but by now you have the experience and you should be able to do it with your eyes closed, can you?... Another idea is to get a picture of you in your youth and tape it to your mirror; you can use the same tape you used to lift your forehead… For some reason I don’t have that wrinkle gene, only one wrinkle between my eye brows and that’s from squinting, unfortunately people like us with blue eyes we squint, I blame it on my baby blues and the sunshine… Maybe it’s because I almost never wear make-up… Ladies I suggest you give your face a rest, stop painting it everyday, stop putting chemicals that are absorbed by your pores and into your blood stream, it’s just like high heel shoes, they ruin your feet, I know that to be beautiful it can be painful and a lot of work but why? Who the heck came up with the idea?
About your Mom, she always looked the same to me, although I haven’t seen her in 8 years. I look at my Mother and wonder how the heck she keeps the same look, must be the brown eyes in the family, the creams, and the facials, oh wait! my mom never had facials, I don’t think, she loved the sun and in her younger days she would lay like a lobster with her face to the sun getting a tan for hours, why didn’t it affect her? Maybe your mom and mine are from another planet? I KNOW we both agree with that… So Gail, stay away from Botox, you don’t need needles inserted into your face, I say no to three things; Botox, wire hangers and of course make-up but now that I think about it I do think women look good with some make-up even though I can’t stand lipstick, it’s like kissing wax lips but that’s another story.
Go out and face California, the land of fake bodies, non moving boobs, bleached hair and plastic capitol of the world. Once you get back to Chicago, you will realize that you are “younger than spring time” so CHIN UP! BOOBS OUT! I’”S SHOWTIME! (Also a line from Connie and Carla).. Those Drag Queens really know how to take care of their wrinkles don’t they. In my next life I want to be a Drag Queen, or maybe not since they do use lots of make-up, wigs and God forbid anyone sees me in a dress, oh hell no! I rather have Botox all over my face than wear a dress. I am proud of my wrinkle, proud of my tomboy look, and proud of my tweezers because once a month I see that one hair popping from my chin that I have to go after, pulling it out is less painful than a Botox injection… Come one chin hair where are you, I want to get some pain RIGHT NOW! Where is my mirror? Oh darling! I look FANTASTIC.!!!. Look ma, no make-up and still looking young… That’s me thinking positive…. Do what my girlfriend does (she does wear make-up and dresses everyday) she asks me “you haven’t told me I look beautiful today” She is beautiful and I say the truth, but what if one day I tell her she is not beautiful that day, would she run for Botox shots? Would she leave me? Should I lie? I don’t dare! A woman’s ego should never be destroyed… Lets all age with pride in our heart and tweezers in hand and always tell ourselves “I am beautiful damn it and this fucking mirror lies”
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