Thursday, November 20, 2008

"Here comes my 19th nervous breakdown"

I was on the verge of a psycho-technological breakdown.... the 21st century replacement to the good old fashioned, "nervous breakdown". Wasn't it easier when family or life events drove you crazy? Instead I pound on the keys of my computer screaming because I have so many entry codes I can't remember which goes where. No, I do not have anger issues! I have "user name" and "password" dementia. I have no idea who I am on any given web-site. Was I an animal, vegetable, mineral, or my date of birth backwards the day I joined? "Artichoke" sounded familiar because I'm a vegetarian and like them, but I also like fruit and tried watermelon both flashed, "password error" and I burst into tears. In personal defeat I clicked the loser option, "forgot your password". Of course I forgot my freaking password, I have approx. 2,000 . I'm drowning in names and number combinations all for the sake of internet security. How could someone steal my identity when I can't even remember my own name?

It was 9:15 a.m and I was on the verge of destruction. I put my head down on my keyboard and tried to take a deep calm breath, but I was wheezing and had begun to itch.  Who was I? I know I wrote it down....did I use capital letters or all lower case?  Oh no, was this site "case sensitive"? Whose idea was "case sensitive" and are they on a watch list? I needed a cabana boy with a tropical drink. I needed a Xanax. I was at the top of the steps considering jumping ( there were only two). I've typed in every name I could think of and the web-site said it wasn't me. IT'S ME, IT'S ME; who else would it be, for God's sake, or was it?  Even I was confused.... I was having a psycho-techno meltdown.

Should I call for help? Is there a hotline for people driven to insanity by their computer? If there is, would I need a user name and password?

1 comment:

Dr. Ruth formally known as Viking Jen said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean... Back in 95 (when AOL what the place to be and blogs didn’t exist) I had about 10 different names and passwords until one day I decided that either I would unplug my IBM computer and throw it out the window or I would grab by baseball bat and break my head. Didn't do either because back then computers were $2500.00 and my baseball bat was signed by some famous baseball player (don't ask, I am NOT into baseball) so I came up with a solution; I would have one login and password for games, one for e-mails and one for just signing up for junk, that right there saved my computer and more important I saved myself from any kind of bodily injuries. What really pisses me off is when you put the wrong password too many times and then you have to wait 48 hours to be able to get in and in those 48 hours you remember the password.

I suggest that you do the same... 3 names and 3 passwords. I am giving you this advice because I don't want you to jump down two stairs, who knows, at our age you might break a toe and then you have to go to a medical website, search in Google, call a doctor or just jump and scream like hell... Save yourself girl! Do like I do, if you forget your password just type in “FUCK IT!” it won't get you logged in but at least your fingers will feel better. Take a deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth…