Where in the world is Dick Cheney?

Has anyone seen Dick Cheney? I was talking about him last night and realized I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him for weeks. Months? Could it be a year? He is still the Vice President, isn't he? I ran to the refrigerator to see if he was on the milk carton...nope, he wasn't there, but it was turning sour. Perhaps he's helping pack up the Haliburton offices in their rush to relocate to the Middle East. They do seem to be in a hurry. It is warmer there. Dick, you have awfully light skin, so be sure and wear tons of sun block. Maybe he's on vacation, after all, planning and executing a pre-emptive war is exhausting. I'm sure it's taken a toll on a man his age. Again, if he's relaxing anywhere it's really sunny, I'd urge him to stay covered up. Oh no, is his pacemaker on the fritz? I wish I knew so I could send a nice card.

I did just see the President on tv; BTW in case anyone is interested he's in Africa with Laura. Maybe he knows where "Vice" is. Maybe he doesn't care anymore, with the job winding down and all. Laura is busy planning Jen's wedding and it sounded like she has that under control; no help needed with the flowers or place settings. They probably have a lot more money to spend thanks to Uncle Dick. I think it's great he helped so many of his close friends and allies get rich. I am sad that it didn't trickle down to me, but my profession didn't really beg a big old rebuilding contract in Iraq.

Wait a minute! I haven't seen him endorse John McCain like Bush 41 or share a sweet embrace with the man like Bush 43. He could be off helping Hillary, as her speaking style shows signs of his charismatic delivery, but I doubt he would take a job without pay. Hey there Dick Cheney, you slippery little devil, are you hanging with the Obamacans? Don't worry your secret's safe with me.