Monday, January 24, 2011

Why Don't Men have Male Friends?

"I have no male friends." I can't count the number of times I've heard a man say that.

"Huh?" I always respond. How is it possible that men rarely if ever have male pals? And why are they always smiling when they proclaim this like it's a badge of honor? I stare wide eyed at the man who just proudly made the statement and think I would never admit it even under oath.

"How is that possible?" I always ask.

"I only have female friends." This is always the answer.

"Why, what's wrong with men?" Again always my next question.

"Well women are easier to talk to. I don't know. I just like being with women better."

"What's wrong with talking to other men?" What's wrong with this picture?

"What am I supposed to talk to them about?" Am I supposed to answer that? Do I look like a therapist?

I'm suspicious, very suspicious. Why can't they have the same conversation with a man that they have with a woman? Women want men to have friends of the same gender. I don't think men get this. Besides which, and here's where I'm sure I'll be tarred and feathered...are men capable of being a woman's friend void of any sexual motivation or desire? HA!

I say it's possible but not probable. I'll even go so far as to admit that my closest male friends and I have, "been there done that". We've been lovers and passed into the land of friends or at one time rejected the sexual possibility but liked each other's company enough to morph into buddies. Sex was a moot issue. I believe this the key to the male/female friendship.

On the flipside there are men who have so many male pals that women are always on the back burner. Been there done that also. In one case my boyfriend came over to happily announce he was planning a vacation to Las Vegas. I'm thinking "YES!" We had never been away together and what a great idea. I was psyched until he told me he was going with his best friend Jim. "Sounds like fun, and I never want to see you again," I said as I kicked his sorry ass out the door.

I'm ready, willing and prepared to hear from men on this subject. Give me your best shot. Women give me more ammo.


Anonymous said...

I have always been your strong supporter, O great female sage. However, such is not the case on this blog. I thought you knew a great number of men - not in the biblical sense - just knew them. Apparently not.

I believe I am an average man and know many average men - all of whom have other men friends - also not in the biblical sense.

Understandably, some men are a pain in the ass when they are trying to show another man [boss for example] that they are tough and smart. Others join those ranks when all they can talk about is sport statistics or their golf game. Even they have other men to bore with that. Actually some women are like that as well.

On the other hand more women than men are willing to talk about WHAT they are as opposed to WHO they are and should be complemented for that. Men do that, just not as many.

May I assume that you are upset because your favorite talking head Kieth Olberman was kicked off CNBC. You must miss that civil, well mannered, intellectual's opinions on political matters but why take it out on all of us with such a rash statement.

Please write on the wall, "Men have men friends 100 times.

Dr. Ruth formally known as Viking Jen said...

Gail.I have no idea what kind of men you talk to, my male friends have lots of male friends, and I am not talking about my Gay male friends. I know lots of guys who have as many male as female friends. I gave encountered very few men that rather have female friends than male, and normally is because a male friend took his girl away years ago or some bad stuff deep deep inside. I know women that will not have a female friend at all. I think they are insecure.

I was talking to a girl friend of mine and she told me that she rather hang out with men than women. "Why" I asked and she said it was because women are always jealous. JEALOUS? OF WHAT?, she isn't "all that" if you know what I mean. Could she mean that when she goes out to the bars and likes a guy another other women ruins her hunting style and the other woman gets guy? Does that mean she can't have a girl friend because of that? What's the deal?

Men, yes men have less vocabulary than women, that's a fact, we women talk a hell of a lot and I've met some women who talked so much I wish they were men.Nut there is such a thing as "MALE BONDING"

Anonymous is right; some men all they want to talk about is sports, some men really don't give a damn about sports, I've been in that situation and I walked out of there bored as hell but there are women that all they care about is sports, that doesn't mean I will not hang out with them again, it just means that next time I'll bring more money to buy more wine for myself.

Saying that not having friends of the same sex is normal. ITS NOT, is there a fear deep inside these men you meet?.

Remember I told you about the "WANT" and "DON'T WANT" List? add this question to it "Do you have friends of your own sex" if they say NO then they have a problem making friends or allowing people into their heart even if they are simply cool people. RUN from those men darling because if that's the case, they will NEVER EVER EVER accept your male gay friends that take you shopping, design your house and are the best bar friends you can ever have.

Humans need to mingle with both sexes, be friends of both. Now if a straight man only has female friends yes is highly possible that there is some sex thoughts going on in his head but lets not think women don't have the same thoughts, we are all horny creatures of nature, the difference is this, women's hard-on will never be visible.

Enjoy friendships, after all, we all learn from friends on how to treat our next pray.

With love
Dr Ruth

Anonymous said...

My experience has also been that men don't have friends. Some may have drinking buddies or gambling buddies but not friends they hang out with or *gasp* talk with. There are always exceptions of course, but most men want to have women friends because then they can talk.
Tracey Mush

Steven Day said...

I don't really have any male friends any more. After I got married, I was more or less guilted into letting all of my friendships wither.

Since I have to live with my wife, I have to consider her needs and wants more than my own. If that means that friendship should die, then so be it.
Sacrificing one's own needs and wants to better someone else is a noble pursuit.

Anonymous said...

I haven't any male friends since I've been married 45 years ago! And I really miss that, had lots of friends and buddy's years ago. Marriage broke that all up. I've never been to a bar or even had the chance to stop and have a beer. One of the reasons is my wife gets jealous and has to know everything I've done while away from her. So to keep peace I don't go any where.

Anonymous said...

In my first marriage, my wife was jealous of all of my friends, male and female. Some of my male friends even tried to hit on her. A true friend would. Ever, ever hit on your wife. Other guys want to argue sports. I like sports but am not a fan. Others try to con you, rip you off or get drunk amd want to fight.most of the men who don't fit into the above categories are gay. So, that leaves very few men that I find comfortable enough to refer to as a true friend. Which puts it down to only two.
I have lots of female friends. The only ones that want to fight are the ones that want to be my girl friend. Women who are obsessive about sports, aren't my type, but they are fun to hang out with. Women who try to be con artists are quickly kocked to the curb, but for some reason I do seem to be a magnet for the crazy one's, haven't figured that one out yet.