The answer always comes down to S-E-X!!! Yes, the scope of a man's friendship list is directly proportionate to the chances he has to engage in sex. Let me expound. The single man as defined by his "single" status usually has only one thing on his mind; Sex-how to get it, how soon will he get it and all the incumbant scenarios thereof. If he is a real multi-tasker, he can also squeeze in a nano second of thought about money and sports.
Let's start with the truly single man. He has lots of acquaintenances, but they are usually old friends from college or highschool and those slowly dwindle away due to time and marital status. As the single man navigates through life his focus becomes, the next woman in his life. This leaves a list of former girlfriends and their friends, along with any new targets of his affection. Ulterior motives are always the key component to the "friendship circle" for any single man. His intentions are to catch the ones he hasn't dated and to possibly reinvigorate the ones from his past. Single men have no problem sleeping with a woman even if there is no possibility of a future. They view their past loves as a "stepping stone" to that next great relationship. Sorry to disillusion you but that is just the way men are wired. The consequences of the "casual hookup" are never thought about until after the fact. The only other scenario is the BFF woman who can also serve as the portal to being fixed up with all her "hot" friends. Again, sex rears its ugly head.
Now, let's look at the other side of the coin - the married or committed man. He has a woman in his life and more importantly, the regularity of "sex." Therefore, his scope of friends is not limited to women but rather a plethora of men friends. This fellow has the all important component of a "main squeeze." His friends consist of , 1) the mates of the couples that he and his partner socialize with 2) his beer-guzzling macho friends who accompany him on the proverbial "mans weekends" in Vegas, skiing or fishing(ha). However, these excursions consist of drinking and ooglng women that they have virtually no chance of ever connecting with. Probably their boorish behavior is the key ingredient for their failure to connect. The re-enforcement of their behavior is the main bonding agent. Plus the fact that unless they totally screw up there are no consequences from the "little woman" for their weekend of debauchery which includes getting drunk and pretending that all they women they see will want them.
To summarize, the friendship list of males is directly related to what their marital or relationship status is at the time. Single = women friends. Attached = male friends. I neither defend or subscribe to these theories but am just the reporter of things as I see them. So please remember "don't shoot the messenger," just use the info to your advantage.
Dennis, Rancho Mirage, CA
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2 comments:
Dennis and Gail. Wow! AH! Got it! I think. But then again, Sex is only everyones mind, everyday. But Dannis, what does "Male Bonding" mean then?
As a man, I do like to believe that I am part of a more enlightened and highly evolved species (and gender) than what you have described. So I'd like to take a minute to defend myself and my gender, ...but I really can't. The fact that your explanation may be correct really bothers me.
Until someone finds a cure for the male condition, I'd rather have female friends. Under their facade (if any), I fear that most men are in fact jerks. I think the better question would be, "Why are women willing to be friends with men?"
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