It's holiday time and one of my favorite things to do between Christmas and New Years is bitch and moan about how I hate the time between Christmas and New Years. Or I dutifully start my list of impossible to fulfill resolutions for the coming year. I'm a couple of years behind on resolution fulfillment starting with: complaining less, a colonoscopy, and sex in the kitchen. None of these seem to get accomplished and I'm not looking for kitchen volunteers at the moment. Just when I was going to start whining about my giftless Christmas and going to a few bad movies what flashed across my computer screen - HUGH HEFNER 84 ENGAGED TO 24 YEAR OLD. My head exploded - splat all over my keyboard. Santa gave Hef a 24 year old for Christmas? Hey big guy in the red suit and beard what am I chopped liver, where's my boy toy?
It just feels wrong doesn't it? I know I felt nauseated and lunged for the Tums before I made a bee line for the Kettle One. I guess this meant my Mom was out as a possible mate. I also thought Hef only dated in pairs of blondes. Had he slowed down or just lost count? Someone mentioned he was 60 when his fiance was born, but more critical to me is the question - were her PARENTS born when Kennedy was shot? Yes Hef's a rich high profile guy and the cash and publicity are tantalizing but our little missie has to pay the ridiculously high price of sex with an 84 year old when she should be out on the playground. The eewwwww factor looms large. And isn't Hef going to explode from all the Viagra? But aside from the sex which is very difficult to put aside I would never want a man who spends the greater part of his day and life in pajamas. I know I'd be screaming, "Get dressed already" at the top of my lungs.
I remain perplexed as the holiday season draws to a close and I still have to see "The Fighter" and get back to my list of resolutions, isn't Hef going to explode from all the Viagra?
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6 comments:
I don't know what this blog was about because I didn't see anything after "sex in the kitchen".
From what I know, that would be the most time you will have spent in that room. (would have spent? have spent? will spend?)
You're exactly right about my time in the kitchen...an underused room in the past, present and future (?)
He won't explode. Viagra lowers blood pressure so maybe he'll implode, like into his underpants.
I have heard that old people are still sexually active but they consider once a year as fitting that statement. So maybe the Hefner mornings will go something like, "James (the butler) have you seen the mrs." "No sir. She is still on the Rivera but she'll be back in March for your annual %&*#@&.
'
"I'm not so sure James. Last year she was caught in the freak snow storm in Miami and the year before that she got her bracelet caught in the zipper of the French policeman at DeGaulle and missed the flight. Is it possible that she doesn't enjoy her wifely duty?"
"I can't see how boss. She was never here for it."
I stand corrected - will Hef implode from all that Viagra? That's less of a mess for the help to clean up. As for the little misses - you bet your ass she's MIA.
Dear Gail Maria. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! Just the thought of having sex with Hef gives me the feeling of nausea.
I have a question for her "WHY?" Why marry? There will be so much paperwork she'll have to sign to make sure that when Hef goes NOTHING goes to her, so why? Money? sure. Spotlight? No doubt, but honey child you can get the same if you go for one of the Jonas Brothers, they are more your age honey and no need for Viagra, ok maybe one of those brothers will also date your brother and what a happy family that would be.
Then I said to myself "self? why do we assume Hef takes Viagra? Have we not heard of "the pump" or does he strap one on" Ok lets not go there because it will affect my shopping list at "New Fine Arts" store.
Being the last day of the year 12/31/2010, I hope Hef lives to be on the Smucker's label, I hope she enjoys the spotlight and I hope he doesn't come up with a porno flick of their sex life.. SAY NO TO THAT ONE!.
Gail and Gonepausal fans I wish you a wonderful 2011. Laugh a lot, Dance a lot and PEACE TO ALL.
Your Boy Toy's right here!
I think over by the fridge would be nice ....
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