I'm an unconcerned dresser. I get up in the morning throw gym shorts and a sweat shirt hoodie on over the boxer shorts and t-shirt in which I slept and think I'm presentable. It's a little scary but quick and also requires no thinking. Truthfully I'm in this snappy outfit until around noon. If I do have to go anywhere I usually put on jeans and a short or long sleeved t-shirt depending on the weather. Not a fashion statement but again, mindless. My Mother on the flipside spends half the day going from closet to closet to closet deciding what to wear. This includes her shoe, purse, and jewelry selection. I did not inherit these genes or impulses. When I visit her she stares at what I'm wearing and asks me if I want a piece of her clothing as a gift. It usually includes a cape. "No Mom I hate capes," I declare every time but she never remembers.
My laissez faire attitude towards dressing makes going on a date difficult, coupled with the problem that unlike Mom I only have one closet and it is half full. My friend Adria can attest to this as she stood in front of it one day screaming that "No self respecting Jewish Princess would have so little clothing." My deepest apologies to all the JAPS that I've failed. Yet even I don't go on a date in my gym shorts and hoodie so I have my work cut out for me when it comes time to get ready. It's hard to keep my head from exploding.
Saturday night it took six outfit changes to get out the door. White v-neck shirt with black skirt and little gray jacket was my initial instinct. Nope, wrong jacket and the skirt looked weird with the t-shirt. I flung it off. The black skirt with black top and black blazer I put on would only work if we were eating at a funeral home. Off it went. Little black cocktail dress? Nope too dressy . Frustrated, I tossed it on the bed. Skinny jeans with white shirt and black blazer. Very Soho but not exactly right. I threw the shirt across the room; it landed on the dog who looked dizzy from the watching the flying clothes. I was close to tears but not close to dressed. I rummaged through the remaining things in my closet but it all became one black blur and I was running late. I desperately pulled out a tight black v-neck shirt, put the skinny jeans back on and black blazer. Not bad, understated chic yet a touch too morbid, but no longer cared. I became worried I'd damage my rotator cuff from throwing clothes around. I gave a thumbs up to the dog and he followed me to the front door with the t-shirt draped on his head.
I groaned as I stared back at the clothes strewn all over my room and couldn't help but wonder if dating was worth the clean up.
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7 comments:
Gail Darling, my dear cousin and friend. Why do you stress out about what to wear on a date? Doesn't matter what you wear, a man always wants to take your clothes off anyway, so why even bother, just don't wear white after God knows what holiday. SO not to worry darling. As long as you show some skin and talk sex men don't give a rats ass what you wear anyway.
Love
Dr Ruth
Once again Dr. Ruth you hit the nail on the head. EXACTLY...but...you know those crazy Yohai fashion genes; I can't help myself. I try but I can't. Help me, help me resist the Yohai fashion gene.
Dear Gail. Did you not learn anything over the decades when i took you to Barney's, purchased one core collection piece and wrestled you to the floor for your wallet to pay for it? Check out Reese Witherspoon, one blazer, over a little mini white lace dress, over skinny jeans, even over a bikini. start out and work in. Our favorite client showed up on Saturday, unaccounced, i was in jeans, grey t-shirt, glasses and had barely brushed my teeth. when he was leaving i apologized for my lack of make up, and he said, I didn't even notice, i will tell you a secret, men only notice make up when it is too much!!! and we both think he is still adorable, loosing hair, but still cute.
I think men have their problems as well. Should I leave my shirt open to my navel? Is the gold chain appropriate on the first date. Do I wear those pants that show I have a good ass even though they are too short? Maybe wear the baggy ones that are the right length and strap on the ass pads. Should I wear underwear?
I learne a lot alone in the Barney's dressing room while you flung clothes in and then grabbed my wallet to pay for them. I learned I hate to shop alone and miss your help. Alone I'm helpless. I stil need your help.
As for you mister in the gold chain dilemma and the short pants/ tight assed pants, open shirt.... stay home.
Gail Darling...Lets start by the Yohai Fashion gene; I am sure you have pictures of your mom and my mom, go ahead grab one picture, look at it very very close, it's not a good thing to get rid of that gene, it's embedded in you, all you can do is take the 13 step program (skip the first 12 steps) and throw that Fashion Gene to the deep ocean. I did it the moment I was forced to wear a pink lace dress (I was 5 years old) Mom kept pushing it and now I can't stand pink, detest lace and won't wear a dress UNLESS I am in drag. The Yohai Fashion Gene? where did I put it? It's at the bottom or the Deepest sea, under a cave near the little white rock, so there! Try to find that.
Now that the issue is clear, lets talk about the Barney's wrestling match; I would have loved to see that because I would have taken the wallet and got me some Oshkosh jeans and ran with it, yup cheap jeans last forever.
AND last but not least, Mr. Anonymous answer to your blog, Darling man, try picking up a bra that will lift and ceparate and match the color of what you are wearing. Try wearing a G string cos you think it's sexy and in the middle of the date in crawls up. Try picking out shoes that look cute but hurt like hell and if the date is bad you want to take them off and poke his eye with the 5 inch heel that he finds so darn sexy. Try coloring your hair black for it to look purple and then wear a wig, yes a wig not a taupe, a real wig. Try packing up a huge bag into a tiny little purse that matches the bra that matches the shoes, that match the skirt that match the eye liner that match the lipstick that match the G string that matches the nail polish on both feet and hands.. TRY THAT MISTER. Then when it comes to underwear you have a choice between boxers or briefs, we have to pick from Victoria Secret ($89.99 for a little piece to cover the important part) or go for Haynes cotton, or maybe the Macy's stripped ones or maybe NONE, just picking underwear takes 30 minutes...
BTW Gail, it might shock you that I went through an entire feminine wardrobe to explain to Mr Anonymous what women go through even thought my only dilemma when going on a date is the underwear and yes I do spent 30 minutes picking out the perfect one, even thought the only one that get to see it is me. Unless they ask to see it of course, I show mine with pride, no I don't I do have SOME (not all) of that Yohai's gene, I don't show my underwear unless it's going to be taken off, oh wait! The Yohai gene is not slutty, OK wrong gene.
Keep writting and happy new year to all and to all and remember, you don't have to dress up all the way in New Years, after all, men only care about the champagne and the football game if there is one, Me I am wearing my blue jeans, my new shirt, my cowboy boots and my brand new $160.00 panties and bra combo from VS. Must start the year with VS.
All my love
Dr Ruth
BTW I loved your reply to Mr Anonymous I made me LOL for a while..
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