I've come to the conclusion that men believe they are never too old to pick up women. This is unfortunate because at some point it's really creepy. I think there should be a cut-off age but sadly there isn't. I witnessed an ancient man hitting on women in a bar in Palm Desert, Ca on a Friday night. Now granted the average age out there is 65 but he hadn't seen that number in decades. There he sat wearing a straw hat, dark aviator sun glasses, white crew neck sweater, and black collared shirt looking exactly like Truman Capote. Nuzzled very close to him on his right was a plasticized 50ish buxom blonde in a tight, short, low cut white dress and push up bra. He looked like the cat that swallowed the canary or a boat load of Viagra. I was staring and he was grinning. I tried to avert my eyes but couldn't. Inquisitive and incredulous I asked the waitress his age. "Oh he's 95. He's here all the time." I didn't know whether to applaud his temerity or order a shot of Pepto Bismol for my ensuing nausea. I could only conclude he must be the richest man west of the Mississippi.
I turned away to take a sip of my martini and when I looked back he had a new woman sitting on his left. In the blink of an eye another buxom blonde had materialized. My faux Truman Capote was double dipping. I pestered the waitress for more info "Who's the new woman and what's up with the first blonde?" She spilled the beans. "The one on his right is just his friend. He had me give his card to the other woman so she would join him." The card must read "I'm over 90, have a heart condition and money" because she had toddled over and plopped down next to him. Oh no, please stop, he was kissing her ear and nibbling on her neck. Again I couldn't look away - but wait, maybe he just fallen asleep. It seemed so wrong like catching your parents having sex when you were little. I needed medication and blinders.
Uh oh and oh no, the ancient guy was looking in my direction. I think he crooked his finger for me to come over. I grabbed the edge of the bar so I didn't faint. I must admit he was a nervy critter. I can't imagine hanging out in a bar at 95 cruising for young hotties which at that age would be 75 year olds. I think I'd rather be home watching "Sex and the City" re-runs and fantasizing about wearing high heels without falling.
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8 comments:
I felt nauseated just reading about him. Is that who we have to look forward to? I'm seriously toying with the idea of joining a convent...one of the perks of being Catholic.
On the other end of the spectrum...I heard an ad on the radio today for a triple x mas party. It was a Rave and there were prizes for the girls wearing their sexiest lingerie. Hmmm...so that's what teenage girls do when they aren't horse crazy and spending every waking hour at the barn.
Thank you, Gail, for broadening our horizon. -Kit
It was scary watching the old guy and if I was Catholic the nunnery might be a late in life option. Thankfully you and I spent all our time at the barn.
Gail, you are right, this is up my alley! WOW! 94? Damn!
So after reading your blog I HAD to have a stiff drink. I bet Mr Ancient Young Casanova can't do a stiff anything. Did you see if his hands were shaking? You know, ancient people tend to shake a bit, if he did shake then that's good, it will come in handy for him, I mean, to shake a martini but it won't be a stiff drink.
I pictured his life or just a part of his monthly routine, for example: The Monthly Doctor's Visit.
CASANOVA: "Doctor Cohen! Doctor Cohen! I have an active life but my penis has fallen and I can't get it up!"
DR COHEN: Ok, take 10 Viagra an hour before you take yo' Ho home, then after you have sex, take this pill for the high blood pressure, this other one for arthritis, this other one to expand your lungs, this one for the rash, and this one for your memory, two of these one for constipation. Will you remember that?.
CASANOVA: Remember what Doctor Cohen?
I suggest you get to know Ancient Young Casanova a.k.a. Junior . You know where his retirement home is, oh I mean, you know what bar he hangs out at, so go, talk to him, find out why he is so rich. Explain to him that "midlife crisis" happened to him several decades ago. Go interview him. Ask him how much does he pay for sex at his age, you never know maybe his 1904's personal jewelry, money, inheritance, his great great great great grand children (whoops I guess that got us all turned off huh?) ask him questions and then put it on your blog, WE GONEPAUSAL WOMEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT JUNIOR IS ALL ABOUT...
You know he was born when the Dead Sea was alive and well. Ask him about Moses, were they friends? Did they hang out?. Ask him about the Roman Orgies back then, he probably was the P.I.M.P. and V.I.P. Ya never know darling!.
I wish I was there because I would talk to him for hours. My years as a Sex Therapist diva would be fulfilled with his information and who knows, I might just call 20/20 or 911 it just depends, 20/20 if the man is still walking by the time I am finished talking with him or 911 if he tries to kiss me, but I won' call 911 if he offers me billions of dollars cash up front.
The question is, would I ever flirt with someone that age? Well I rather wear your high heel shoes for a day, mind you I haven't wore high heels in 20 years and then again, I haven't been with a man of any age in 20 years either. See Gail, things like this, this moments of Men Flirting is when I say to my self "Self" and self answers "yes dear?" "Thank God I am a lesbian, however I have been approached by 75 year old women before but they weren't filthy rich, if they were I wouldn't be poor baby. Oh, wine please and I VOTE FOR COUGARS! I WANT TO BE A COUGAR, if Junior can do it at 94 with a 50 year old then me at 50 can do it with a 20 year old,, OMG NO THANKS! 20 is too young, I have my limits, I wonder if Junior does. I bet you he knows who Captain and Tennille are,A 20 year old doesn't KNOW.
Here is a question, a 94 year old woman dating a 50ish man is a Cougar, what is Junior? A dirty old man?.
I need Wine, High Heels and ice cram, Junior just reminded me that I could be 94 years old, hanging at a bar wearing a straw hat and picking up Botox women, just SHOOT ME!
With love
Dr Ruth
Oh Dr. Ruth how wise you are and you also make me laugh. Next time I see the lecherous old geezer I will try and get an interview....just not too close. yukky I say.
On behalf of all 90+ year olds - I PROTEST!
However I did hear from a friend of that vintage who met a 60+ woman in a bar. She had just came to California from the Midwest. He said she was hot but when he asked to buy her a drink she just looked blank, stared at him for a minute and fell off her stool..............on her dog.
I protest, I did not land on my dog. I did stare blankly but it's not like me to refuse a free drink.
Just remember, Gail, inside every 94 year old guy hanging at a bar is a 49 year old guy struggling to get out. And I hope he never does, cause he'll beat the ass off my 60 year old self every time!
Oh Perry a 94 year old guy can't beat your ass and not to worry the 49 year old in him will never escape to do it either. You're safe to hang out in a bar without fear.
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