Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Damn, nothing looks good with a black eye.

Anyone want my makep-up? I just bought a really nice new eye shadow by NARS called, "Star Violet." I have a lovely navy blue liner by Lancome, a Yves St. Laurent touche eclat radiant touch stick, Smashbox shimmery green eye shadow which looks excellent with the "Star Violet" and Clinique black mascara to perk up the old wilting lashes. I'll even throw in my NARS "Malibu" rouge as no one will be noticing how pastie white I look for a while. I almost forgot , take my fabulous new lipsticks "Mystic," a great color for everyday, and "Diva" a perfect red for dress up. Why am I being so generous, cheap as I am. Yes, I'm cheap that's not urban legend. I have a black eye. No make-up required, it's already a lovely shade of purple and green. It goes nicely with my blue pupil which is barely visable. I suggest looking away or screaming.

To think of the time I spent running from make-up counter to make-up counter at Bloomingdales and Nordstroms searching like a crazed lunatic for new eye and lip colors to perk me up. I was looking a bit cadaverous according to Mom, who btw is called by name at every cosmetic counter in the Chicagoland area. "It's Bea," they cheer as they run after her with new skin products promising "youth." Mom, has me in tow as we schlep from store to store. I had at least a dozen lipstick colors smeared on my face and hands in our search for the right shade. I couldn't find a color that matched my age, no less my skin tone. It was labor intensive, exhausting and sad. I sure looked bad in a large array of colors. Finally success was mine thanks to the sales girls at the NARS counter. She knew her stuff and whipped out the magic colors that brought my face back to life. Trumphantly tiny bags in hand I marched out of the store. Whoops, where's Mom? I had to drag her away from a scarf marked down 50%.

Sadly, I look in the mirror and realize nothing looks good with my green and purple swollen right eye, not even my left eye.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here's a suggestion. Wear a necklace of 10 brilliant 50 WATT halogen lights around your neck. I promise; no one will notice your eye. Even if some superior person with superior sunglasses does they will be so blinded that they will not know what they saw. And, they will not be able to see for at least a month.

When their sight does come back all you have to do is ask if they have seen your new necklace and they will run screaming down the street - never to bother you again.

Alternatively you can stick the lid of a beer can in your earlobe and make like it's all part of a new "get it on" look.

Pretty cool eh? Oh and stop playing leap frog with horses!

Anonymous said...

OK My last suggestion was a little over the top and probably uncomfortable. Here's another.

Continue the purple lines down your cheeks and under your chin. Then circle your mouth in black, black out one or two of your teeth and put bright yellow on your eye lids.

Then put a pillow under your shirt, on your back and hunch over a bit. As you are limping around the mall keep yelling out "Quasimodo!! Where are you?

People will think you're an advertisement for a new movie.

Anonymous said...

I have a pretty shade of purple nail polish that matches your eyes. Paint your nails, dye some purple streaks into your hair, get some purple tops and say you're going for a "look"