"Kloutless" in Chicago

My day is ruined. I just learned that I have no "Klout" and no I didn't spell it wrong. What's "klout" you ask? I have no freaking idea except I have zero. I was meeting with my social media girl Leyla www.leyaruinseverything.com as she was trying to help me become more savvy about networking www.gonepausal.com across the wide world of the internet. She said we should check my "klout" status on Twitter. "Ok, darlin' whatever you just said, I'll do."

On August 18 my literary agent told me I should have more "followers" on Twitter. I'm still not sure why but I have subsequently become a Twitter junkie. Junkie I say! I have to pull the Twitter needle out of my arm in order to leave the house. In fact right after I finish this post I may check myself into Twitter re-hab if there is such a thing. Today I am proud to announce I have 335 people following me. Alas,keep in mind Oprah has approx 14 million. My girl Leya has thousands. I'm a person who only learned how to "copy and paste" last April so in effect I'm a 21st century loser. Naturally I was a little nervous about Leyla checking my "klout." It sounded sci-fi scary and possibly expensive if it sent me back into therapy. We were at Starbucks so I grabbed another sample of spicy pumpkin latte and fidgeted as she spun her way around the internet.

I'm "Kloutless" it turned out. I think she noticed I was getting a rash on my face as she immediately said,"You probably haven't been 'tweeting' long enough." OMG I was unpopular! I was in high school all over again. I was totally devastated yet still had no idea what"klout" meant and why it was spelled with a "k." "But Leya I love Twitter and they don't love me."

She assured me my score would increase the longer I used the site. I was stunned and over caffeineated. My head felt like it might spin off and my rash was worsening. I packed up my little laptop and vowed to try some of the Twitter tricks she taught me right after I called a therapist.