Father's Day just doesn't have the pomp and circumstance of Mother's Day. Mother's Day gets more media coverage than a lunar landing although I don't think we go to the moon anymore, but I could be wrong. One giant step for Mom and one teenie tiny one for Dad. Mother's Day is a cash cow for Hallmark and 1 -800- flowers. Dads just don't rake in the $$$ . I know it's a dark day of guilt if I don't arrive at Mom's door with something in a Neiman's , Tiffany's, or Bloomie's bag - or teeter in with a flowering plant the size of a building. "Here Mom, Happy Mother's Day," I groaned as I fell over. "Thank you dear," she said and left me on the floor to go open my sister's present in Saks packaging.
It's hard to shop for Dad. He doesn't like much. For 25 straight years I bought him a tie for Father's Day. Stripes, solids, patterned or knit, he returned every one. I was relentless and undeterred and continued my search for one he'd keep. Never happened. I finally gave up and switched to books. That didn't work either, as we didn't have the same taste in reading. He'd open the package, grunt and put it down. Mom at least gushed upon opening. I almost bought him a bottle of his favorite wine, Mogan David, but my regular wine salesman stared at me in disbelief and disappointment; I broke out in a rash and had to leave the store.
What did Dad really like? This question plagued me. Then like a dream come true I remembered. He liked to eat cake. And candy when there's no cake. I'd come bearing cakes from bakeries as far west as Iowa. "Too dry," he'd discern and push the plate away after one bite. Curses! I switched to exotic chocolate which cost more than my new Kate Spade shoes. "Bitter, not sweet enough," he said as he wrapped it back in the foil. I ate the tasty chocolate and sadly returned the shoes.
This Father's Day I came bearing Twinkies and a Snickers bar wearing a new pair of shoes.
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4 comments:
LET THEM EAT CAKE!!! Marie was smart. Unfortunately she was so smart that she lost her head. Your story of your father reminds me of another. One about a little, old, frail Jewish man who wanted to become a toothbrush salesman. He was laughed at and turned away by many toothbrush companies.
Finally one gave him a try and sent him off with a suitcase full of brushes. He returned the next morning with lots of $ and no toothbrushes. "How did you do that?" Asked his happy boss. "I went to O'Hare, set up a table at the gate exit with a sign saying, "Try a cracker with peanut butter."
"That tastes like shit!" they said. "It is shit. Want to buy a tooth brush?"
Another entertaining and thought-provoking blog. I love how your writing strikes such a responsive chord. Keep it up Gail!
Dennis in PS
You are soooo in touch with reality. I truly appreciate you and the laughs you bring right to my computer monitor...which I spend way too much time at. Ooops, there I go again, ending a sentence with a preposition. -Kit
Oh I know! I know! I know what to get your father, forget chocolate, ties, candy etc.. PORNO, get him so porno dvd's. He will be happy to get that for fathers day. Lol. Ask me what I got mine? Well I called my Mom first thing in the morning and wished her a happy fathers day, to my dad? Well you have to really act and be a dad to get that privilege, so I called dad and left a message on his voice mail "hey Dad is me, Jen, guess you are not home, ok later, have a good one" In my heart, Mom has been dad and mom at the same time for YEARS and she would appreciate cake, chocolate or even a tie but I know that every Fathers day she appreciates my sister and I calling her on fathers day and wishing her a great fathers day. She deserves it. Now when is it Daughters day? I mean come on! we put up with parents we should have Daughters day don't you think? Ok I don't want a tie, I don't like chocolate, not into cookies except the ones from Subway but I love wine and beer, my mom would sent me a bottle of wine, my dad? well he would probably forget there is daughters day, for G's sake, I have to remind him of my sisters birthday every years, why can't he remember it? it's been the same day fro 48 years, I give up!. Happy Daughters day.. We deserve it just because we put up with our fathers.
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