My 19th Nervous Breakdown or I need a 10 yr. old.

Here comes my 19th nervous breakdown - the really bad insidious kind that no form of therapy or medication can fix or subdue. Handfulls of Xanax don't help and in a moment of total frustration I flushed the tiny pills down the toilet. I ran for the $25 bottle of Cabernet and in a nano second of lucidity thought better of it. I was having the big 21st century drug resistant meltdown. This condition doesn't affect small children, teenagers or young adults . No, the complete and total destruction of one's sanity and ability to cope is the hardest and deadliest on the the baby boomers. It's chronic, and there appears to be no cure for, 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FREAKING COMPUTER?" "Work you little black monster in a box! You're supposed to be wireless....PICK UP THE DAMN SIGNAL," I sobbed and threw myself on the couch rolling in technological agony.

I had to call someone. I needed help. I needed computer boy Devon in Palm Springs asap. I ran for my cell phone. Oh God, I couldn''t dial out, there was no signal! Where was the damn signal? I needed bars....where were the little black bars? I don't have a landline. Everything about me is wireless. I needed wires! I needed to be connected to a wall , not the air. The wall is better, I trust the wall not mystery waves! Again I headed for the Cabernet, but thankfully stopped myself. I took a deep breath to control my hyperventilating. I'd watch TV for a little while and tackle the phone and computer later. It's the last season of 24 and maybe Jack Bauer saving the country would calm my nerves. Crap, there were three clickers. I picked one up and pressed "on." Nothing. I tried again. A blank screen stared back at me. My right arm started to itch just a little . I grabbed another and tried again and again and again. Nothing, nothing, and nothing. I frantically took the last one and pressed every button to no avail. Not the TV! I needed Jack Bauer to save me too! I wanted to throw the clickers against wall but threw myself instead - cheaper.

Nothing worked that was supposed to. I was in a technological vortex: no computer, phone, or TV. I couldn't stop scratching my itching right arm. I needed help. Who could rescue me from the vortex? Where's a 10 year old when you need one?