I've reached my writing apex. What an honor as Gail is one of my favs and a very funny and talented lady. So boys and girls, you'll just have to put up with me for one day and Gail will return to regale you with her wit and humor.
FINDING MS. RIGHT IN MIDDLE AGE
OK so the the first number in your age is a 5 or a 6. I know that seems harsh but it is not the end of the world unless you damn well have decided to throw in the towel. I'm here to tell you that is not the way to find your "soulmate". By the same token, you cannot just sit in front of the TV and wait for the doorbell to ring and hope that Penelope Cruz or Selma Hayak will be there saying "I'm here my love, take me". Sorry kids it doesn't happen that way. Nor can you just pick out anyone on the street and decide they are the "right" person for you. I really don't know the exact formula for finding Ms. Right; if I did then my name would be above Bill Gates on the Forbes Richest list.
I do know this however; things have changed and you aren't going to look across a crowded bar and get the "hot blonde" to go home with you with a wink and a smile. Again, not going to happen. No my friends, at this stage in life you are going to have to use wit, charm, humor and most importantly the ability to LISTEN! We all like to think we are 35 again and can charm our way into a ladies heart in 5 minutes; a la Agent 007. And forget about the 30 something hottie you've fantasized about. Unless your bank account has well over 7 figures of discretionary funds you have nothing in common with her. Now, here is the good part. If you meet that person with the ever illusive "chemistry", you actually are going to really enjoy talking to her and responding to her. SEX will not be the "be-all and end-all." Don't get me wrong, it's still terrific and an integral component, but you will actually enjoy hugging and kissing as an important part of the relationship. Instead of the conversation being blah, blah, blah when do I get to see you naked, you will ACTUALLY want to talk. Conversations that were once 5 or 10 minutes will go to 1 or 2 hours with no pauses- trust me .
OK, those men out there that are now getting up muttering "this guy is nuts and needs to make his appointment for a "Sex Change", sit your asses down. I'm a 6' tall black belt in Karate and I will come after you and take you kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Otherwise it's going to be you and the TV or People magazine as your steady companion. And ladies, you are not escaping unscathed. We are a bit older and slower. If you see that guy who might be "it" try engaging him. We cannot do this all without encouragement. OK enough of the sermon. Now everyone out there, get up off your butts and try going to the gym, or even dressing in the morning; anything to make you feel better about yourself. If you do others will feel the same about you.
I found the lady of my dreams and I intend to tell her every day how much I care. Here's the rub, it isn't work. It's a pleasure. Thanks again for putting up with me. Gail will return, I promise. Good luck.
Dennis in Palm Springs
1 comment:
Glad to see Gail trusted your writing enough to share her spot. Essentially, I agree with your sentiments and like the comment,"Ladies we cannot do this all w/o encouragement.".
I'm 5' 9", own two black belts and a couple of brown ones. Just thought I'de throw that in.
Until the point where my thinking was clear about being alone and liking it I was not able to determine what I wanted in a partner.
When my wife died I assumed I would remarry without having a conscious thought about it. So I made and wrecked a bunch of relationships. "She is great but not right for me", became my motto.
I did it once to often and almost lost the one that mattered. Like the tip of an iceberg, I noticed that I was not just reading my emails after she left. I was looking for one from her.
Over time my mind uncovered the rest of the iceberg and a world of new feelings. However, that could not have happened until I became comfortable living alone, in my own skin.
To this day she and I are able to produce an impressive list of why we can never work but we do it while it keeps working.
I'm glad I had the revelation, because I make a lousy lounge lizard. Hell, I don't even drink.
We should make the beginning of a "Men's Room" on Gail's blog so all parties who suffer from menopause can speak up.
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