Holy crap, what if I lose my job?, There are lay-offs in every industry. I don't have an Alternate Job Plan B. Alternate Plan B is nowhere in site. But hold on just one sec, I have my own private art dealing business. At the moment that seems beside the point. I can look in the mirror one day and surprise myself by saying "you're fired"! Then what? What can I do? Nothing. Nada! Rien! I need a freaking plan. And resume. Terror strikes my heart...what would I write , "Want to buy a Picasso? Call me".
There must be something else I could do. How about Barrista? They have nice aprons and smiley faces. Free coffee would be a lovely perk. Yep, barrista could be me. Except what about short term memory loss, that's me also. Oh God, I can't remember anyone's mocha skim frothy venti , my mind is blank, the line is backed up around the block...children are crying, mother's are screaming, 6 men have missed their train and threaten to sue! "How about a nice black coffee for everyone" I yell out over the madness. I rip off my apron and run for my life. Ixnay barrista. Nanny? After all I was a mother. Except I can't help with math beyond the 3rd grade level. What if the children complain that I look older than their grandmother and that the last nanny was more fun and could play computer games. Next. How about the popcorn server at Home Depot? That doesn't look hard. Although I would look hideous in the uniform, orange is very bad with my hair color and I can't make popcorn.
Now what? Car mechanic? It sounds kinda sexy but I know nothing about car repair and don't have the right outfit. Hmmmmm. I vow not to fire myself until I can make popcorn.
gonepausal
"We love it "
About Me
- gail maria
- I'm cheap. I can't order a $10 glass of wine, or go through the toll booth without buyers remorse. It's genetic, thanks Dad. I used to love haranguing about politics, and found myself arguing with pundits on TV wishing they could hear me. Now I'm afraid to say anything political for fear of being tarred and feathered. I love sports and have become a great TV golfer; putt reading is my specialty. I hate to shop but not because I'm not "girlish". I just don't like it because it's time consuming and costs money. I'd much rather be riding my horse, or staring into space. I recently started capitalizing letters again after going through a long period of using all lower case.
My comfy robe
Recession proof outfit
Elliot aka Potato
"Where is everyone"?
Did you think I was putting up a picture of DAD!?
"I know what you're thinking"
Not in Thriller
"I'm a good dancer too"!
HELP!!
Got anything bigger?
Scenic bar
"It seemed so peaceful/happy"
Life ruining bartender!
"No tip for you , buster"!
New Drinking Buddies
They like Sauvignon Blanc too!
Not Salmon
"Maybe upstream was a bad idea"
Bed on which I threw myself sobbing
Cell phone #2
"Someone call me already"
Badland employees behind desk
"Can one of you tell me what's so "bad"?
Mirage?
"I like it here"
I love blue my blue phone
one ringy dingy
Practicing at Home
"Black coffee or nothing"!
Church Shoes
This can't be right!
And a skirt to match
Whose idea was this?
Too young to die
"Help"!
R.I.P. fern
"I swear I tried"
Are there any more of us?
"I HATE CRUISES"!
We like it here
"We'll need water wings"
Yummy, more pork!
"Is there a cardiologist in the house"?
Got Lox?
"Quick, a bagel"!
None for me
"I'm full, thanks"
Not A Dinosaur
I'm on Facebook too
Happy Birthday Ken
"I forgot to go to the gym"
I love tools
Now what do I do?
3 comments:
Well Gail since I am a Corporate Recruiter I can give you lots of ideas... First can you say "Welcome to Walmart and have a great day" or you can work for Coors or Miller beer as a Beer girl, can you wear little skimpy dresses and a sports bra? ok I think that they stop hiring if you are older than 25 years of age (you are 26 right?) How about "Avon Lady" all you have to do is get the AVON books, slap your name and phone number on the back and start taking orders, that includes delivering the products. How about what I found on yahoo.. Now you can take any of the following jobs.
Poultry processor (Salary range: $16,000-$30,000)
If you get grossed out pulling the gizzards from your plucked and processed chicken, imagine what it's like to be surrounded by the smells, sights, and sounds of a lively poultry processing plant. It's definitely not a job for the chicken-hearted.
Lift-pump remover (Salary range: $22,000-63,000)
Imagine getting paid to swim -- in sewage. Lift-pump removers actually dive right into the doo, sometimes five stories high, in order to lift a stuck pump in an area of a sewage treatment plant. You could say this is one crappy job.
Animal semen collector (Salary range: $17,000-$54,000)
The sperm of various animals is a necessary ingredient in artificial insemination, but it's not like a dairy bull can just walk into a private room with the latest Playbull in his hooves and walk out with a sample for the Mrs. That bull needs a hand, as do horses, pigs, goats, and even turkeys (who are notorious for low libido).
Diaper sorter (Salary range: $14,000-$27,000)
Cloth diapers are a noble answer to the mountains of disposables babies use annually (on average, 2,800 just for baby's first year). But someone has to sort through these dirty little nappies before they're cleaned and bleached for re-use.
Crime-scene cleaner (Salary range: $25,000-$68,000)
It's gruesome, it's gory, it's the stuff of nightmares. Bits of this and that can be splattered all over the place at a crime scene. It's a good job for someone with the guts for it -- or at least someone who doesn't mind cleaning them off the carpet.
Carcass cleaner (Salary range: $40,000-$85,000)
A distant cousin to the crime-scene cleaner, the carcass cleaner fixes up animal corpses so they're fit for display. Among their techniques: Using maggots or flesh-eating beetles or boiling the body. This isn't an entry-level job: Trained biologists, zoologists, and taxidermists usually get the gig.
Odor judge (Salary range: $19,000-$52,000)
As an odor judge, one day you could be sniffing armpits to see if a new deodorant is effective. The next you could be smelling bad breath, stinky feet, or used cat litter. If you're nosing around for a new job, keep in mind that people tend to stay in this line of work for a long time.
or you can take some Ginko Bulova pills that help you with memory and go apply for the Barrista job...
You decide sweet heart.. Oh and there is always a job on teh corner after 10pm, they have two different positions, one a Ho' and the second one you can be the Pimp, although I think Pimps make more money.. I think, not sure, last time I ho myself I only took 40% of the money and did 100% of the action but that was back in the 70's (just joking).
If nothing Jen Jen said appeals to you you could become a politician (I suggest Democrat) then you could say and do anything you like with impunity. You can be dishonest. You can promise anything including the Moon and absolutely no one will hold you to it.
You can call politicians with the opposing party sluts and joke about their teenage daughters getting knocked up by baseball players during ball games. If they say anything you can apologize on the air in such a way that your audience roars with laughter when you tell them "they were just jokes".
Lastly, you can run for the position of god but for that you have to wait until the current one gives up the office. The opportunities are endless.
I decided that "ma'am" is a sign of respect (sometimes i die for a little respect). In Congressional hearings recently a 5 star general was being grilled by Diane Feinstein, when he called her "ma'am" she barked at him.....i have worked hard for my title, refer to me as "senator". She didn't deserve any respect, civility is gone. I'll bet this bartended would have called Farrah Fawcett "ma'am."
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