"Attention Catholic Church attendees! Jew in sanctuary, Jew in sanctuary"! Yep, it's true I was at 5:00 mass. Truthfully I was a little nervous, would I be spotted as an imposter? A Jewish princess trying to go unnoticed at mass... are you asking yourself why, and did I dare take off my sunglasses? I had just rented the movie "Doubt", that could have been the impetus or naively thinking I'd spot Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I'm searching for a deeper answer but so far nada. The fact remained there I was and I was shocked and dismayed by my what I saw. Men, women and children in shorts! Huh? When did they dispose of the dress code? It's a Church people, not beach blanket bingo!
Admittedly I haven't been to Temple in quite a while.... do Jews wear shorts too? And if they do, maybe I should get my legs tan and go. Oh, but it didn't end there....jeans, badly fitting bermudas, teenie tiny skirts and the sin of flip-flops! Flip-flops I say! I was tempted to hide my eyes or turn to stone. I wanted pomp and a lot of circumstance, not "casual attire". Ladies in pastel dresses and hats, men in suits, children in uncomfortable itchy frilly clothes, where did they go?
My head bowed in disillusionment I turned my attention to the service. Was I at a rock concert? When did hip-hop become liturgical? "Stop the music"! "No, not another song"! I want a sermon not tunes. I was an English major, I needed meaning, metaphors, morals. I finally decided that either renting movies is a bad idea or I need to put on some flip-flops and find religion.
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At mass yesterday I spotted a woman in jeans and sunglasses lurking by the sanctuary and then slinking off, sticking close to the walls, into the church proper.
Every once in a while she would peek over her sunglasses - her eyes popping in amazement to what she was witnessing. At one time she grabbed the hymnal and flipped frantically through it- probably trying to find the words to the hymn being sung. She didn't realize that she had one of the phony, misleading ones placed there to mislead "spies" from other religions who snoop periodically. She might have been from the Temple a few blocks away
I don't think she learned much. At one time I saw her dozing off during the sermon. The priest was not a particularly good speaker.
She did stare a good deal at some of the short skirts. Poor thing didn't seem to realize that they were on young girls - none over 12 or 13.
Next week I'll slip over to the temple and see if they are wearing short skirts and flip flops.
Ok see? That's why I don't go to temple or church or any of those places where people are "supposed" to look a certain way.. Oh no no no... My best friend has a sticker that says "God please save me from you followers" I do believe in God however I don't like structured religion. Let me be will you? And Gail honey, Jesus didn’t wear Prada or high-top tennis shoes, he wore flip flops.. He didn't wear shorts, I have no idea what he wore but on the pictures it looks like a long white dress with a rope for a belt, I guess leather was not in fashion back then? Moses? I have no idea what he wore, did he have a beard? I think back then shaving was not taken seriously like now…
Last Christmas I went with a friend to a church to hear Christmas songs, I was all into it, it was a Black Baptist church and they were singing and dancing and it was fun until I saw a lady with a bible in her hand sitting down sleeping. What is this? Is she deaf? Can’t she hear the loud songs and people yelling "Praise Jesus" "Oh Jesus you are my lord" "OH! OH! OH! Jesus" nope, that lady slept through the entire concert, I mean Christmas event. Did she had lots of wine with dinner and was forced to go to church drunk?
I got out of there and went home, turned on my stereo and played Deep Purple and Pink Floyd and said, "Thank God there is rock and roll and heavy metal"...
I am not against religion, just against people who shove it down my throat, specially my Mother who MADE me wear dresses to temple and scared me for life.. I can't stand dresses...
Ok I am going back to what I call my temple, it's pretty cool. I call it my home sweet home, where my two cats live and my comfortable king size bed is there and believe me, I've had several religious experiences on that bed "oh God! Oh God! ooooooooooooh God!!!! And I don’t have to wear a thing.
Ok Bless you,.
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