I hate national holidays. Bah humbug! Or is that holiday specific? I never have anything to do. No picnics to attend; besides bringing a "dish" is too stressful, e coli or salmonella, take your pick. No friends to call because they're all at picnics, waiting to get sick. No bike to ride; it was stolen. No golf tourney at the club; I don't golf and what club? No tennis round robin; what does that mean anyway? No parade to attend with three small screaming children waving flags and a Golden Retriever dressed as Betsy freaking Ross. Besides parades are like Chinese food.
Are the stores open? I could go on a shopping spree and as a patriotic American try to single handedly save the economy. Btw, where's my rebate check Mr. President? I wish I had that man's phone number. I bet he's having a big old barbeque at the ranch. YEE HAW ! Where's that day old potato salad? I wonder what Dick Cheney does on July 4th. I hope he goes to a parade and has some fun. He always looks so serious like he's planning a war or something. Oh and Dick, you're so pasty white don't forget sun-block.
It's 9:30 a.m. I have hours and hours and hours to go. Crap. At 12:00 "All My Children" is on (oh God, I hope it's not pre-empted by a parade); it's a good day to catch up with Erica. She's probably either in prison or getting married; love the symbolism. I have to face it, national holidays make me feel like a loser. Winners have parades, picnics, cole slaw, e coli, beer and dogs dressed like the Founding Fathers. I vow to get a dog before Labor Day.
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Maybe Gail Maria it's just possible that some National Holidays have a life cycle like household products. That means that certain holidays may outlive their usefulness and need to be recycled into something else. For example let's take today the 4th of July. Does anyone really care about what happened on this day over 230 years ago. Maybe we need something new to capture the national psyche. Maybe this should be Switch Day or The Day Summer Starts And You Can All Wear White Pants Day. Then the traditional Labor Day, which is really outdated, could be called Switch Back Day and everybody would know that it was time to put the Whites away and that dark colors were back "in". I can't even begin to understand why anyone would still want to celebrate Columbus Day? They haven't made a good movie about that event in years.
Screw getting a dog; get a vibrator - one that uses C or D size batteries(rechargeable of course)! It sounds like you need one. ;=)
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