"We're running low on fuel and will be landing at Kennedy instead of LaGuardia," the pilot announced. Excuse me!? I was packing up the $24.00 worth of magazines I bought for the ride from Chicago to New York thinking we were almost at our destination. I was wrong. Yes, $24.00 and yes I had buyer's remorse 3 pages into this week's "People." But more to the point "We're running out of what?!" Who says that even if it is true? I thought I was on American Airlines not "Air Holy Crap!" Shouldn't that be the bubble over the pilot's head and not a public service announcement? I believe in conserving gas also but at sea level not 32,000 feet. Was this part of the economic recovery package? I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. Damn, I was awake.
"Right after we fuel up at Kennedy we'll hopefully be leaving for La Guardia," the pilot said as we started to descend. "Hopefully," as in maybe we won't be leaving? Meanwhile across the aisle a man was having cardiac problems and using the oxygen mask that never comes down except in the pre-flight demonstration. My head was spinning; we were low on fuel and a man was in cardiac arrest. I love New York. The minute we landed paramedics rushed on to the plane to take away my aisle mate. "Good luck little buddy." The passengers however, were growing restless and wanted off. I heard folks bitching and moaning all around me. They must have come to my conclusion; it was faster to walk to Manhattan than wait for fuel and the flight back to LaGuardia. Everyone with carry on luggage fled. I had checked my bag. I vowed to never "check" again but in the meantime I was trapped and sober.
"Ladies and gentleman , the pilot was back on the speaker system, we need to consider re-balancing the aircraft because so many passengers disembarked." I never took physics so imagine my imagination. The plane would take off titlted to the right unless me and the 12 other folks who were left played musical seats. I think I briefly lost consciousness.
Self rightousely I announced to the flight attendant I needed a drink, a free drink. The airlines may have taken my sanity but they were not taking my money. I think she needed a cocktail also as she happily broke out the wine. I scarfed down as many glasses as I could on the 13 minute flight to LaGaurdia. Time was not on my side, but I'm a competitor. Uh oh the plane was tipping - or was that me? As I walked off when we arrived I stared at the pilot who scared the bejesus out of me. Next time I'm driving.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
It's about 13 miles from Kennedy to LaGuardia Airports. My guess is the pilot didn't know the route. He probably thought he had to go up the Major Deegan to Yonkers and back down Riverside Drive and over the 59th St bridge.
Perhaps it was the guy in the next seat and the pilot thought the gas thing which might kill all of you was better than "There is a man dying of a heart attack in the back of the plane. Funderal services will be held at the Interfaith Chapel in the airport unless of course it has been converted into a mosque."
The only other thing that comes to mind is, "We're almost out of gas. everyone has to throw out their bags, their clothes and probably the guy in the back that will be dead soon anyway. But, what the hell!! The bar's open beer is $3.00 drinks ....."
Now I know why you were so tired the next day! And I thought I had it bad driving on 95 with road work every five miles for spans stretching over four or five exits. At least I got there at 12:45 AM! --Alan Hanscom
Post a Comment