Tuesday, August 10, 2010

"Hot", Not "Formerly Hot" For Me

Ha! Now I've heard everything. Women in their 30s and 40s are lamenting their new status as "formerly hot." Bummer girlies but you ain't seen nothin' yet. Author Stephanie Dolgoff in her book "My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches From Just the Other Side of Young" declares that women in their late 30s and early 40s fall into a new category: adult 'tweens, not quite middle-aged, but no longer reckless, restless, or gravity defying." Their new title is: "Formerlies. " Give me a moment to weep for these poor creatures. Boo hoo. Now Stephanie, get a freaking grip. Be hot as long as you can. Squeeze yourself into your "formerly" clothes because menopause is lurking and then you'll be formenting not lamenting. Trust me you'll never get those outfits on again. Better yet, let's trade places - I'll be 40 and you can officially be menopausal me. What fun. Maybe you'll be less confused about what is appropriate to wear or what shoes to buy. I'll trade your Dolce and Gabanna dress and uncomfortable Jimmy Choos for my comfy flats and baggy gym shorts. Happier?

I don't get it. I'd happily take back 40 with my dewey complexion, uncolored hair, and sex drive. Hey "formerlies" wait for the day sex moves from the top of the "to do" list to after taking out the garbage and re-tiling the bathroom floor. According to the girls it's a big relief not to be ogled by strange men on the street. Hello! Someone please ogle me. Just one teenie tiny ogle would make my day. I remember the time construction workers turned their heads in unison when I walked by. Now I turn and stare at them and in their eyes I'm "Nana."

Who wants to be a "formerly?" I don't ever admit my age no less give myself a title. I love cute little dresses and skinny jeans. Is there really an over 30 dress code? I don't think so. I adore high heels and they come in handy standing on a chair changing the batteries to the smoke alarm. I haven't tried re-tiling in them yet. I'm back to the brown hair of my youth and think it looks fab regardless of the endless trips to cover my gray roots. I never care if "below the knee" skirts are in; I like short. Call me crazy or delusional. I'll take delusional over "formerly" any day. And Stephanie, call me for a reality check.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You certainly have a wonderful way with words. As an official menopausal "formerly", I now have to go to Walmart to get ogled. (Hey, it's better than no ogling at all!) As for dress code and that nonsense about women over 40 wearing jeans, I say "bah humbug". With my flat tummy I still look better in low ride jeans than many of the teens I see in them!...or maybe I'm delusional. No sympathy for those 40's chicks. Time to take out the garbage. -Kit

Anonymous said...

And, now from the very over 40 man. First you have a great sense of humor and wonderful writing style.

I always ogle the type of shoes women wear. That's how I know how old they are? For really big woman over 40 I like the Calvin Cline "bone crushers". Their made of concrete which can withstand a great amount of compression from weight, not to mention an "atomic attack". Actually, they work out very well for really big women over 20 as well.

Instead of people worrying how many years they have been around why don't they work at staying healthy and in shape. That way they don't have to give a crap about their age.

It's way more disturbing to see a woman with the body of a 40 year old (if there was such a thing) than to see one who is supposed to be mature and isn't.

Patti said...

Oh heavens... It's always disturbing to listen to young women harp on their aging bodies as they leave their tweens to enter their 30's and 40's. It's only a few short years, ladies, until you're looking at the dark side of the 50's and are happy to be fit and looking good in your clothes. Jeans at 55+ years? Well, yeah. High heels? Of course. That goes for summer dresses and flip flops, too.

I'm glad you took on these new "formerly" women. There needs to be a change in focus, maturity, that comes with the change in figure and skin firmness. If you don't get both, aging can be a bitch. Thanks for the great post.

Lynne said...

Poor little self-absorbed formerlies! At 49 I'm just starting to feel like I'm an interesting person and am so looking forward to 50 that I've decided to celebrate for the entire year leading up to it then continue for the following year. I would not go back to my 30's for anything. I've recently lost 30 pounds and have another 15 to go but I am hotter than I was at 20 years old & 125 pounds. It's all in the attitude. If you're going to whine about what you used to be then you are going to be ignored. Duh. Suck it up, strut your stuff & you will get noticed.