By mistake I glanced in the hall mirror on my way downstairs. I think I briefly lost consciousness before letting out a small shriek. I surprised me. Whoa, who was that? I backed up and took a closer look. I needed emergency lipstick, eye liner, and rouge or it actually wasn't me but my mother. I quickly decided to try another mirror and ran to the bathroom . Cannily and to save myself from personal ruin at 10:15 a.m. I only turned on one of the three light switches. So much better, although I was squinting. Squinting definitely improved my skin tone and I decided not to call my therapist. Truthfully, it is a shock to "catch" myself in the mirror these days. Where did the prom girl version disappear?
I was whining to my girlfriend Jane about my mirror experience. "Oh honey, just do what I do, look at one very small part of your face at a time." I still wasn't comforted. "Do men our age feel this way? Do they ever think they look like crap?" "Lord no, they have "magic" mirrors. No matter how old, gray, bald, and wrinkled they don't see it." "I want a magic mirror too," I sobbed. "Sorry sweetie we don't get to have them. I gotta run, but like I said, one tiny part at a time." She was right, men have "magic" mirrors. I met a short fat balding 65 year old in an over sized Nike t-shirt and jeans that skimmed the top of his ankles who spent an evening telling me he only liked to date women in their fifties. Has he looked in the mirror lately? Or the guy next to me at the bar at Sullivan's with a smile on his face and a comb over. He definitely has a "magic" mirror and should never go out on a windy day or swim. I can't forget 64 yr. old Alan, a never been married retired lawyer with a hair piece dyed "burnt umber",( my least favorite color in the Crayola box), who proceeded to declare he always has sex with a woman by the third date or "good-bye." He must never look in the mirror, and should definitely get a new colorist as well as therapist.
I decided I urgently needed a "magic" mirror too and searched Google for a dealer in my area. Unfortunately, the closest I got was a magician who could pull a rabbit out of a hat but not the prom girl out of me.
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2 comments:
I think you should check out the movie "Connie and Carla" there is a great line there "does anyone here use Botox?.. If you man tells you that your face looks like a map, tell him to hit the road"... Or to make things simple for you, grab a picture of you when you were in your 20's, go to a copy place and make a live size print of the face, then stick it to the mirror, make sure you didn't have any pimples on that picture cos I know what you'll be doing pick pick pick pick...
I don't know if it's my genes or what,however, I will be 50 in few weeks and my face still looks like a 30 year old Okay maybe 40 year old, how did I do that? I don't know if it's the genes or if it is the FACT that I don't wear make-up.. Women if you quit painting your self with chemicals and wearing shoes that are way too uncomfortable maybe your face would look younger and your back would be in better shape.. Take my advise Gail, screw make-up and high heel shoes, wear comfortable shoes and a clean face. Now go to the mirror and tell yourself "I am good enough.. Smart enough and doggone it People like me" say that 1000 times, normal people only have to say it 10 times but you my darling keep on going.. WE ARE NOT NORMAL, why? look at our family. AY CHIHUAHUA!
OH and BTW another reason why I look younger than my age is because I left the place where my parents live 25 years ago.. Try that... Don't let Mama's guilt trip take you back.. SAY NO TO JEWISH GUILT TRIPS.. NNNNO!.. Love ya cousin.
It's possible that "burnt umber" tells women what he expects by the 3rd date and while they are laughing out of control he gets'um. Funny blog.
Maybe the lines are only the result of oxidation, dehydration and depravation. On the other hand they could have been the price of the fresh, smooth skin on a new young doctor who will help many people over his life.
Maybe some of the sparkle of the prom girl was the cost of all the courage and determination that went into pushing dumb animals over jumps - as preparation for providing a young man with direction and perseverance, when he wanted to push down an easier but far less rewarding path.
Maybe you're seeing all the stuff you need to grow into the future of your life. God knows we can't grow backwards.
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