Find My Glasses and get a Reward

Has anyone seen my glasses? Crap. I know they couldn't just up and walk away. Glasses can't walk right? Of course they can't, but I think there's a vacuum cleaner that can. Besides which my glasses were expensive. Tragically, I looked bad in every single pair except the $400 frames. I call them my "no more vacation" glasses. So now I can't see and the trip to Florida is off. Yes, I looked in the washing machine AND dryer, no glasses but I did find a blue hat that wasn't mine. Nope, not in the dishwasher which I should unload soon anyway. Hey, they were dirty so that was a reasonable option. I ripped apart the couch which I don't advise unless your dog is the same color. (Where do I keep the vacuum)? I haven't used the oven in 6 months but after my usual two glasses of wine it might seem logical.

My purse? Of course, of course! I ravaged it at least four times and vowed to never again buy one with so many compartments. They didn't turn up in the box with my new darling Kate Spade high heels, but it did make me long for a place to wear them. And wonder why I bought them. The refrigerator was a bust, but in desperate need of food. No wonder I'm always hungry. The garbage almost made sense but yuk. Under the bed, behind the bed, nope and nope. I promised however to vacuum before the week was up. A lightbulb when off! They were in a pocket. Yes, yes, yes... I was crazed and sweating when I concluded I had too many , or can you never have enough? Why was the dog staring at me in my wild search? He ate them. After all there's no homework.

The car, they absolutely had to be in the car because I need them to drive. Glove compartment, trunk, under the driver's seat, passenger seat, in the cushions , cupholders, nothing resembling glasses but I wondered if the Snickers bar wedged in the back was still edible. I knew the sticky candy cane in the cupholder wasn't. A friend of mine was at the airport and said he'd look but I hadn't been there in six months, and it reminded me of the vacation I wouldn't be taking.

Is this it? The moment that age had caught up with me? And how old am I? Thankfully I've forgotten.