Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Call 911 and get a husband!


"What would you do if you found me face down on the bathroom floor"?

A 68 yr.old man I was dating asked me this over a perfectly nice glass of Cabernet. Whoa, talk about ruining a moment and my next sip. I could have spit it out and I hate wasting wine. As for his question..."huh", was my first and probably best response. "What would you do if you found me face down on the bathroom floor", he repeated. Why not the kitchen, I pondered? It suddenly hit me, he was serious and there was probably a right answer. Oh Lord was this a test of my emergency medical skills or a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL? Did I want to marry him and could I get him off the floor in time for the Justice of the Peace to arrive before his lawyer with a pre-nup?! Crap. "Ummmmm", I stalled for time , composure and another glass of wine.

Then it dawned on me. Duh! This is how men over 60 propose. If you answer right you get the ring! Fear of commitment has been replaced by fear of "face down". Wow, talk about a light bulb moment. Rick a 65 year old man I met told me he was "sick, sick, sick" of dating. He didn't want to spend another moment alone....37years was enough. He was ready to marry for the fourth time , hell bent from the tone of his voice. Hang on there little buddy, after 37 years of dating, why now? Could it be fear of "face down"? Think of how many men are out there living in terror! If you have any nursing skills/instincts or know CPR now is the time to find a husband. And if you want Rick's phone number let me know. Fyi his 3rd marriage lasted 9 days.

I answered the "face down" question incorrectly so I'm still unmarried..."Call a travel agent" was funny but not the response he was looking for. I can only deduce "dial 911 and administer CPR until the ambulance arrives" gets the ring.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you'da got the ring if you asked "Is that a new position?

Dr. Ruth formally known as Viking Jen said...

HAHAHAHAHA Anonymous you are funny!!!!.

Gail HONEY!!!!! Oh please child!!! Stop dating 68 year old men.. Ok? ooook!. Just listen to me.. Ok? Ok!..
It depends how long have you been "dating" him because if it's the first date or 176432 date then my answer to his drag queen drama way off asking the “ What would you do if you found me face down on the bathroom floor"? Honey I love people, I love cows, pigs, straight people, gays, transsexuals, bastards, sluts, dykes, dogs, cats and if I found a 68 I would run out, call someone say "OMFG!!! (Yes O.M.F. G.!!!) Really loud, then call the newspaper (well I have to have my 15 minutes of fame at some point in my life damn it!), then call MSNBC and then go the bastard and say "sign here!".... Ok maybe not but right now I am quite mad at any kind of relationships and I would love to go to the Greek Islands. So Gail make sure you get something out of it… hahahaha (ok you know I am joking…... or am I? )

Ok Gail, my suggestion is this.. LEAVE HIM IN THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND GO GET A YOUNGER MAN, So far over 60 art not working so well... hmmmm Is that what I have to look forward too? Wow! yeeepeee yayyy yeyyyyy! hmmmm (cough!) I think I will keep liking cows, pigs, straight people, gays, transsexuals, bastards, sluts, dykes, dogs and cats oh an btw snakes are so f*&^%$ sensual… ok never mind…To each it's own....hahahahhhahaha...