"Hamlet" goes holiday shopping

"To shop or not to shop, that is the question". Isn't it? If you don't like to spend time alone I don't recommend it. I was the only person in Neimans last Thursday. I had 47 sales people all to myself. I was doused in perfume and made-up by three different cosmetic vendors. No, it didn't help and yes, I was smelly. I am however, loaded down with samples of miracle skin creams designed to save me from facial ruin. Generous, but too late. I wandered aimlessly from department to department looking for signs of life. Nope, just me trudging from sale rack, to sale rack to sale rack. I began to ponder, "Could I singlehandedly save the economy buying a new sweater"? The pressure was staggering and tempting.

If only I hadn't read the newspaper that morning, crap. The sweater was oh so soft, but the economy was even softer. The headlines screamed recession, the stock market dropped another 500 points , General Motors wanted to be saved from it's wasteful unconscionable self, and I sported a whole new vocabulary filled with the words: asset backed securties, bundled mortgages, and credit default swaps. Sadly, I can use every freaking one of them in a sentence. I looked at the sweater longingly with tears in my eyes. It was on sale from $360 to $245. I checked my forehead to see if I had a fever. I stuffed it back on the rack and realized I had to save myself from myself, and not the economy. Sorry, Hank Paulson. It looks however,like I could use a bailout package too... can Gail the art dealer, be helped after GM?

Happily, I can now report I have a favorite new place to shop and wow is it ever cheap! Pack up the kids and go to the gas station. I paid UNDER $1.99 a gallon ... does anyone think that's better than sex? So this holiday season I'm going to buy a dozen one gallon containers and give all my friends the gift of gas.