Bye-bye Bergdorfs!

The economy getting you down? Feeling sad and longing for the days filled with mocha frappaccinos and soy lattes? Ixnay to those expensive coffee drinks in 2009, to say nothing of the weekly manicure and $10 martini with blue cheese stuffed olives. Oh, how I long for those tasty olives. To make matters more dire, according to my budget it will be 2012 before I can buy anything new to wear. Call it shabby chic or plain old threadbare, I won't be looking too good. Or making my own clothes. Face it, can anyone over 50 see well enough to thread a needle? Last time I tried I had to get a tetnus shot when the bleeding stopped.

But hang on just one second....maybe I will have new clothes before 2012! Could it be? Yes, yes, yes, there on the horizon in giant red letters was my salvation. TARGET! IT'S THE NEW BERGDORFS! Whoa baby, why didn't anyone tell me? The store was packed, shopping carts flying in every direction. Girls, move over and let me at the merchandise! Who knew you could buy a dress for $19.95? Kiss Neiman's good-bye and try on one of these babies. Who cares about the crappy lighting in the hard to find dressing rooms, I'm talkin' under $20. Ok, ok, I admit I burst into tears looking at myself under florescent lights but, I almost bought a dress! Sadly, it would have looked much better on someone 25 but happily, I could have paid cash for it.

Maybe 2009 won't be so bad after all. Frappaccinos are way too fattening, soy lattes are just plain weird, and as for my beloved blue cheese stuffed olives .... how hard can it be to stuff an olive? Besides I've had a tetnus shot.