As if sweating wasn't bad enough the next life embarrassment was buying Tampax. It was a badge of honor and a source of horror. Yea I'm a big girl and damn there's a boy in the store and he'll see me buying the highly identifiable blue box. I'd hang out in the candy aisle until all traces of the opposite sex were gone and I could run to the check-out counter, pay and leave. I was relieved and a little sweaty but not bad. I think it's worse for men who are sent out with a grocery list and there right smack dab at #10 is Tampax. Sorry big guy, I feel your pain. It is however, no tougher than another embarrassing product - condoms. I would stand for 30 minutes staring at the choices: lubricated, medicated, intoxicated, flavored, hypoallergenic, hallucinogenic, candy coated, colored, ribbed, satin smooth...the choices gave me a headache, which actually solved my problem and I went home.
I just read I can now buy a vibrator at my local CVS, Walgreens or Walmart. It's more convenient than finding a cute little sex toy boutique but a lot more public. "Attention CVS shoppers I'm over here in the vibrator section trying desperately to figure out which one to buy and if you have a favorite, meet me in aisle 6. And I'm also here for toothpaste." To make matters more uncomfortable and kind of a conflict of interest, the vibrator section is just to the left of condoms. What I really need is a Xanax.
3 comments:
This is all life's nasty little lead up to buying Depends. hmmmm...
So true...depends are next...
I don't understand why people have a problem buying condoms, tampons or vibrators. A woman getting her period is the most natural thing in life.. Sex is natural too.. I used to tell my step brother to go get me tampons from the store, he refused so I told him "you are going to marry a woman someday and have kids right? he agreed "and if your wife or daughter asks you to get milk, bread and tampons you better get them" he asked why and I said "you won't get any sex from your wife if you don't do what you are supposed to do, plus if your daughter asks you to get her tampons from the store, you should be happy, its a sign that she's not pregnent".. He agreed.
About condoms; A teanage boy was talking to his teenage girlfriend, she asked him to go buy some condoms and he said "no, I gets very uncomfortable when I go to the store and get condoms" and she said "Well honey, if you don't then I would be very uncomfortable carrying a big belly for 9 months, so go get condoms or we won't have sex" the boy was not uncomfortable anymore.
Vibrators, they sell them on line if you are that shy.. about getting them at CVS you can go to the counter and pretend you have a severe back pain and you need that vibrator for the cure they ARE called "back massagers"
Here is a funny story... My ex girlfriend and I went to the store, a big grocery store, its full of people and its Christmas time... We get to the big display of batteries, I needed some for my camera so she asks me out loud "Hey Honey what batteries does my vibrater use?" I looked around, people were looking and laughing and I said "the 9 volt one" I laughed, they laughed and she realized she said it out loud.. Then this guy was looking at us and I said "well, I do have a gas powered vibrator too, it takes unleaded, no batteries needed on that one" I guess to me sex is a natural thing, our periods are natural and a person who is buying condoms I respect, it means that he is the kind of man who cares about having safe sex in every way shape or form..
Depends.. yup now THAT I would hide and not show cos it only says that I pee in my pants and I can't hold it..
CVS sells vibrators? well well well I need to get vitamins tonight, I might just purchase a vibrator from them..lol"Yes maam I'll take a bottle of Vitamine C and B12 and I'll take that pretty vibrator there.. Does it come with batteries?" the lady behind the counter"no maam the batteries are down by the front register"
hahahahaha...
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