Dirty Laundry Is Not a Dinner Entree

I'm not great at doing laundry. Truthfully when I went off to college I had no idea how to wash or iron. I stood in front of the big white machines in the dorm and was clueless. Yes, I was spoiled and never had to do a load of wash on my own. Standing alone with my giant bag of dirty clothes was a challenge. I begged the nearest girl for help and stood by her side faithfully as I tried to memorize where to put the detergent and what dials to turn . I was a laundry loser. Little did I know there was a far far greater challenge ahead - the Mt. Everest of this process called ironing. I burned and peeled my nice Villager blouses off the iron. Everything ruined. I'd sprinkle and then sssssss the iron would make a giant burn mark on the tiny blue flowers. "To hell with this" I thought. I gave up and bought wash and wear turtle necks. I've since become far more proficient as a laundress but still don't really give a damn about the finer points, like separating whites, the various cycles, or the challenge of folding. I toss it in the drawers and slam them shut. No one knows what kind of chaos or mess is inside.

I firmly believe laundry is personal, especially when it's dirty. It should definitely remain out of sight. So imagine my surprise when I arrived at a small party and found out what they were serving for dinner was dirty laundry. I wanted to scream,

" But I'm a vegetarian!"

No one would have heard me for the, "Don't you ever call me cheap again!"

Uh oh trouble was brewing by the bar.

"This is not cheap wine and more to the point what do you ever buy?"

Whoopsie darlins' but YOU'VE GOT COMPANY! I'm over here and beginning to die a thousand deaths. The dirty laundry was being flung fast and furiously.

"I've helped support your children." (POW, BAM, WHACK!) and what have you ever done?"

I was getting nervous and itchy.

"Don't ever say that. And who cares about the wine, I was just kidding you."

But who's kidding who? No one was kidding. I felt like crawling under the table or praying I would vaporize.

I was hungry,but not for what they were serving. I wanted Salmon and a nice salad damn-it. Next time I think I'll just go to a laundromat and bring a sandwich.