Thursday, March 25, 2010

Queen of One Date Tells All

"Sam, you have to help me!" I cried into the phone.
"What is it babe, try and calm down and tell me what's wrong."
"I don't get it , I've become the "QUEEN OF ONE DATE." Yep I gave myself a new title, "Jewish Princess" was out. Although I liked the promotion to Queen, the rest of it sucked.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I think that kind of sums it up. I never get asked on a second date. One date and I'm out. I don't get it, no one calls again. Why? What should I do? Or what can I do?"
"Don't talk," he responded without hesitation.
"Huh?" Was he talking to me or about me?
"Don't talk when you go out with these men. Just listen."
"Let the guy talk his brains out, don't compete with him."
"I don't get it, just sit there like a lump?"
"Just sit there and smile. Or ask a question."
"Ask a question about him. Men like soft and sweet."
"Excuse me?" I think all the blood was rushing dangerously to my head.
"Gail, you don't get it." He was right I was faint, rashy and didn't get it.
"What about a conversation?" I whispered as I began to lose consciousness.
"Men have competition all day in business and don't want it with a woman during down time."
"Is a conversation competition?"
"See how you are? You're challenging me and I'm giving you advice." He was serious. I stepped out onto the patio for air.
"So we're talking about an evening where I'm just smiling and asking my date questions about himself? There's no conversation where two people equally exchange thoughts. Is that what you're saying?"
"That's what I'm saying honey."
"And if I do that I'll get to go on a second date?"
"That's right."
"Well, thanks for the advice," but wasn't sure I really mean it.
"Let me know how it goes."

I laid down on the patio in order not to faint. As I stared up at the dark sky I realized I couldn't follow Sam's advice. Could he really be right? I had to chose a vow of smiling silence or forever maintain my title of "Queen of One Date?" Royalty is so much better than dating.


Anonymous said...

Conversation or no conversation? That depends on looks. If a man is even half way decent looking and in relatively good shape then no conversation. They only want to talk about themselves, as in look how successful I am, or how good I play (insert any number of activities here such as golf, sailing etc). You don't even have to ask a question. Just nod, smile and every once in a while say "how interesting or that sounds really challenging". End of conversation on your part.
Now if you go out with someone who is, shall we say, nothing to write home about, then converse away. He will be so happy to be out with a woman who is a)good looking, b)intelligent and c)with him, that I guarantee a second date.

Anonymous said...

Wow!! and another Wow!! I am assuming the first comment came from a woman and she agrees with your friend Sam.

Dating is quite the thing among "mature" folks. It's like high school only everybody has baggage and everybody knows how to think but has forgotten how to act. The goal either to screw everybody on the planet or find someone who you feel good and with whom you are comfortable, as though the both of you has a secret that only the two of you know.

Try this:
-do let a man talk long enough to see if he has enough confidence to 1. gain your interest and 2. can handle 50/50 conversation. That's an insight to later conversations.
-do try to be interested in what he has to say but only if he is interested in what you have to say- same 50/50 stuff.
-don't try to impress him by disrespecting the waiter or waitress even if they screw up your meal.
-don't disrespect yourself by trying to be something you are not even if he looks like Rock Hudson (he may be Rock Hudson).
-do take him for a walk with your dog if you think you like him.
-do, if it works out let him know how you feel about him from time to time - particularly if you're happy he is in your life.

It's all work, Queenie the dating, the courting and the life of happily every after but it's rewarding and the alternative sucks.

Anonymous said...

Great blog!! I agree with the guy above.