More bad news for the country and I'm not talking about health care, settlements in East Jerusalem, or a surge in Afghanistan. The announcement scrolled across my computer screen and stopped me mid click. Sandra Bullock is leaving her husband Jesse because he's cheated on her. How much more can I take?! Her tattooed boy has been out carousing. Hang on there you randy muscle man, what was wrong with Sandra? And if not Sandra who? I'm wracking my addled brain to come up with hotter and prettier than our little Oscar winner. There's no topping a hottie with a gold statuette in her hand. Cheating on fabulously beautiful women has become epidemic and personally it's detrimental to my mental health. I need a drink and a lot of medication. I haven't yet recovered from the reality of Tiger Woods sneaking around on that beauty queen Elin. She is so pretty it brings tears to my eyes. If Sandra and Elin can't keep their men home what chance do I have? None. Not a shot in hell. I looked in the mirror this morning and the only thing me, Elin and Sandra have in common is ....nothing. Maybe we use the same toothpaste.
What about the wedding vows boys? I had a feeling they weren't for the faint of heart. Those are some serious ass questions with no wiggle room. Everyone just blurts out "I do" and runs for the martini bar. Maybe Tiger and Jesse should have answered, " Hmmm , I'll get back to you" or "what if a hot cocktail waitress wants me?" Even more disturbing is our little beauties Sandra and Elin weren't even sick or in bad health so how hard could it be for the boys to stick around? And doesn't "as long as you both shall live" give you a headache? That's a real toughie for half the population. Let's re-phrase that to say "as long as I want to." This would save lying, legal fees and fist fights over People Magazine and The Enquirer in the grocery store check-out line.
What is it men want? This confuses me more than the health care bill.
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4 comments:
Gail...you have outdone yourself. What a great column!!!!! I'm going to print this one up, frame it, and hang it where I can see it when I think it's only my dates that are jerks. My favorite line: "Cheating on fabulously beautiful women has become epidemic and personally it's detrimental to my mental health."...that's destined to be a classic. -KP
I think he loves her but knows he can never measure up. He feels inadequate and flexing his muscles in front of the mirror don't calm those feelings of inferiority any more.
She is a good actress and a better comedian but what do you get when you buy a bag o muscles?
To all the beautiful people, in or out of Hollywood never forget, it's about looks or brains. It's about being cute, being smart and being funny.
It has nothing to do with making a sacrifice for your lover - just keeping them laughing.
You don't have to depress yourself watching this stuff. I have checked the news and found lots of other events to read about.
"Oops! Heigl's bra strap breaks" is one or the "woman who can't stop growing" is another.
Then there is "Jennifer Aniston's transformation" and if you want to get away from Hollywood there is "Two bank robberies in Munster in a week.
Gail--I had the same reaction, but then, look at Jesse pre-Sandra. The question I ask myself is, "What were you thinking, woman?" Actually, the same thing many of us have/do/will in the future...we fall for men who aren't the best we can do. Why? I'm still trying to figure this out. One hopeful sign: I have three brothers, all of whom are madly in love with their wives and loyal to the core. The good ones are out there...they're just spoken for!
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