Thursday, April 9, 2009

"Bathrobe Woman" vs. the economy

I can't get out of my bathrobe. Help me! I put on clothes to go out for food but the second I get home I rip them off and my comfy green fleece robe goes back on. Not an attractive look I admit. I've tried to dress it up with black suede Kate Spade high heels, but it didn't work. And yet, as bad I look I can't take it off. I've become "BATHROBE WOMAN"! Step aside, Spider Man . Courageously wrapped in green fleece I have schlepped down the driveway for the newspaper. Weather is no obstacle! I haven't been arrested yet but a Jack Russel Terrier stopped chasing a squirrel to bark at me. Oh and a neighbor reminded me I wasn't dressed. Duh! I'm in my economic downturn outfit.

"BATHROBE WOMAN" keeps me safe from financial ruin. It prevents me from going out and buying the 2 pairs of shoes I have on hold at Neimans. It keeps me away from the cosmetic counter at Saks and Lord knows I could use some make-up. I stay home curled up with the L.L. Bean catalogue and any desire to buy new clothes vanishes. Just say a big fat "no" to khaki pants and topsiders. I sit in front of the tv watching re-runs of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy wrapped in my cozy green robe, pissed it will be weeks until they resume new episodes but happy I haven't spent the $$ in my wallet.

Tim Geithner , Larry Summers and Ben Bernake can't get me down when I'm "Bathrobe Woman". I've found a way to beat the economic blues... home in my green robe.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gail, I'm right there with you, only my robe is pink. Michele

Anonymous said...

I swore that when I left the living I would never go back - not even for a visit. Then the other day (we're not sure of time up here) a blog came floating by my cloud and I read it.

It was Carroll! I could tell it was her - bathrobe and all. I remember when she would come to the studio in her bathrobe, sometime carrying a bucket and her socks would be rolled down.

So I came back just to see. It was not her - it was BATHROBE WOMAN. I thought I was going to fall in love again she was so desirable. She had on this perfectly awful colored robe. She also had on white gym shoes and thick sox! Under the robe was an old grey ripped tee shirt. My head was spinning!

Later, I learned that it was what she called a recession statement! Who ever heard of a recession statement?

Here was this perfect beauty and she was nothing more than an economist with a flare for sexy outfits.

I'm going back up and I'm going to find an old lightening bolt. I'm sure I saw one the other day. After I'm done with her, "They won't have Harvey Korman to kick around anymore!"

Dr. Ruth formally known as Viking Jen said...

Ok Bathrobe Woman, I think Spider Man wants you, why? because he does whatever a spider can.. I can't see any sexiness on wearing a bathrobe and high heels, now maybe a nice sexy French maid costume would be nice, do you have one? Open your closet and see what you can find... Oh wait a second, did you sell everything and the only thing that wouldn't sell was that bathrobe? oy vey! .. I hope that you have clothes under the robe if you don't then don't attempt to do what Superman does and start flying all over Chicago, you would flash everyone and for some reason it is illegal to do public displays of full flesh and then you will get arrested, not a pretty site to go into a holding sell at your local sheriffs office and be stuck with a bunch of whores and you are the one with the bathrobe, not a good thing...I wonder if Martha Steward had her fancy bathrobe while in jail, what do you think?.

Instead of the shoes you have on hold at Neiman’s and Saks I say you go to a consignment store and get yourself a nice outfit OR the French main costume or a nurse costume, or what the heck, get a sheet and wrap it over your body and call yourself Cleopatra...

About Khaki pants, some of those are more stylish than a fluffy bathrobe...

Oh btw, stay away from reruns girl, say NO to reruns, there are other shows on TV that are new and improved for bathrobe women...

Thank goodness you don't have balls cos I can just see you on a bathrobe, in front of the TV scratching your balls all day long... Don't scratch, that’s nasty...

Meanwhile I am hiring sales reps, do you need a job? The weather is much nicer in Texas AND you will make enough money to go to Neimans and get all the shoes you want...

I do own a couple of bathrobes and for some reason I don’t wear them, do you want them? How about if you do what I do, put on a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, have a few glasses of wine, a nice hot bath, listen to good music and try not to think of anything but sex, oh did I say sex? I mean, think of anything you want but what’s on TV…

RELAX THE ECONOMY STILL SUCKS so wearing a bathrobe is not that bad.

THE KNITORIOUS MRS. B said...

Hoping hat reference to the nurses uniform wasn't a snarky dig at the naughty nurse stereotype....this 53 year old ass busting RN just came off of a 14 HOUR SHIFT at 9 pm last night and is cacooned in her soooooooooooooothing bathrobe with absolutely no intention of changing out of it for the next several days. As for bathrobe therapy being a deterent to spending....beware of the commerce dangers of the internet!