I like to
call my Covid19 life “The Twilight
Zone.” Yes siree, I wake up every day in
the worst of Rod Serling. When I was
growing up the show scared the shit out of me and now my new personal version
does also. In childhood I would quickly
turn off the TV when it got too scary but now there’s no off option. It’s the
same freaky episode every day. For
starters should I or shouldn’t I get up?
Whereas I used to jump out of bed ready to start the day now I slither
down the side in ambivalence because honestly what’s the rush? I drag myself to the kitchen for my daily
handful of vitamins and have no idea if they are poisoning or helping me. The dog is growing antsy to go out so I throw
a coat over my pajamas, put on a mask and gloves and we hit the street. No, I do not consider changing clothes
first.
My morning
coffee is followed up by hot water and lemon because I heard it repels the
virus. I now believe everything I hear. I do a little work-out to hopefully fit in my
jeans the day I put them on again. I
practice some barely recognizable yoga so I can withstand the social pressure
of being able to say I do yoga. I stay
in my life affirming pjs until around noon and then I realize it’s noon and I
am still in my pajamas. Every day it’s the
same surprise.
My Twilight
Zone life gets really scary in the afternoon when with much trepidation I go
for walk with the dog. I am afraid of
humans. Yes, all of you! I find myself walking in the zig zag pattern
they suggest when a mass shooter is on the loose. I am on the sidewalk one minute then frantically
jump off when I spy a human heading my way.
I duck behind trees, jump into bushes and ironically dash into the middle
of the street in order to maintain a “safe” distance. Like a skilled circus performer I tight rope
walked on the curb one afternoon to avoid a child on a tricycle heading my
way. However I nearly ruptured my
Achilles when I lost my balance at the last minute and fell. Enemy combatants are everywhere. I need counseling and Xanax.
I long to live on a deserted island with
internet access and a wide screen TV.
And now more importantly my hair colorist.
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