I wasn't prepared for a fork to seek revenge or become an enemy agent. Confused? So was I. The surprise attack came on a vacation with my new boyfriend. It started off however, with a really GOOD surprise ,a romantic mid Winter get away to La Jolla. Adios, down parka ,down vest, neck warmer, scarf, hat, Timberland boots that weigh more than I do, and pot holder style mittens. The Michelin Man look soon to be replaced by skimpy cotton clothes - like a dream come true for this Winter hater. The boyfriend even took me out shopping for lingerie, which seemed like a harbinger of desire.
The airplane ride was uneventful, no reason to be anything but happy the Southern California coast was in my future. I had brought enough clothing for a trip lasting a year,not 5 days, but "be prepared" was my fashion motto, picturing many outfit changes for all our fun filled activities. We were staying at The Lodge at Torre Pines where one look at the green green golf course made me long to be a golfer and could I learn by dinner?
With no time to unpack before our restaurant reservations I put on the outfit closest to the top of the giant pile in my suitcase, grabbed a pair of sexy high heels and headed down to the dining room.. Nothing unusual to report during the salad or first glass of wine, just idle chit chat about the lovely weather. The silverware seemed to be perfectly placed so I tried to take a mental picture for future reference (ha ha). Being someone who flunks idle chatter I changed the subject to something peripherally political? I swear there was no mention of the name Trump. We were in what I thought was the Trump Free Zone. I do however, remember using the words "weaponizing religion." Now isn't that an interesting subject? I thought so. Not when your partner thinks weapons aren't metaphors but real guns best used in a military context. Bang!
Can you say "conversational free fall?" There was no analogy, metaphor, parable, simile or part of speech that could change the course of events. "I think you're taking this too seriously" did not work. I could see the expression on his face morph into Darth Vadar, and his breathing became metallic. I was not going over to the dark side so I gulped the remaining wine and glanced down at my Salmon. When I looked up there was a fork coming at me loaded with medium rare Lamb Chop .Stop please stop, I promise I'll learn how to set a table. Mid way across the table it came to a halt and he blurted out "This isn't going to work." Huh? Was I was officially on the shortest romantic get-away in history- less than 45 minutes? I had no response other than to ask if the Lamb Chop was good.
I got up, stared at the fork still hovered over the table, vowed to never learn its correct placement, , and took the next train to LA.
The airplane ride was uneventful, no reason to be anything but happy the Southern California coast was in my future. I had brought enough clothing for a trip lasting a year,not 5 days, but "be prepared" was my fashion motto, picturing many outfit changes for all our fun filled activities. We were staying at The Lodge at Torre Pines where one look at the green green golf course made me long to be a golfer and could I learn by dinner?
With no time to unpack before our restaurant reservations I put on the outfit closest to the top of the giant pile in my suitcase, grabbed a pair of sexy high heels and headed down to the dining room.. Nothing unusual to report during the salad or first glass of wine, just idle chit chat about the lovely weather. The silverware seemed to be perfectly placed so I tried to take a mental picture for future reference (ha ha). Being someone who flunks idle chatter I changed the subject to something peripherally political? I swear there was no mention of the name Trump. We were in what I thought was the Trump Free Zone. I do however, remember using the words "weaponizing religion." Now isn't that an interesting subject? I thought so. Not when your partner thinks weapons aren't metaphors but real guns best used in a military context. Bang!
Can you say "conversational free fall?" There was no analogy, metaphor, parable, simile or part of speech that could change the course of events. "I think you're taking this too seriously" did not work. I could see the expression on his face morph into Darth Vadar, and his breathing became metallic. I was not going over to the dark side so I gulped the remaining wine and glanced down at my Salmon. When I looked up there was a fork coming at me loaded with medium rare Lamb Chop .Stop please stop, I promise I'll learn how to set a table. Mid way across the table it came to a halt and he blurted out "This isn't going to work." Huh? Was I was officially on the shortest romantic get-away in history- less than 45 minutes? I had no response other than to ask if the Lamb Chop was good.
I got up, stared at the fork still hovered over the table, vowed to never learn its correct placement, , and took the next train to LA.
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