Friday, March 24, 2017

Big Pharma and Little Me

Help me, I'm an addict, a main liner, wide eyed, shaking and itchy waiting for my next fix.  Get those commercials about Viagra off my screen, as who has time for sex when there is 24/7 BREAKING NEWS?  And geez has it ever been more addicting?  Come on, this makes my Watergate years seem like "Introduction to Scandal 101." It's the big time baby. As terrified as I am of needles I have stuck the news needle in my arm and there is no emergency number to call or quick fix. Ironically, there is a drug that can save you from a heroin overdose, but has big Pharma come up with one for my addiction - no! Come on pharmaceutical boys I need an antidote. 

I admit I was in a weakened state as fatigue set in after 16 months on the campaign trail. And feeling so certain my girl would triumph, the plunge to her political death almost sent me to the ER.  Shock and dismay I'd say.  I sulked around in funerary attire for weeks and ate copious amounts of Oreos, which did not lessen my sadness but did ruin a perfectly good complexion.  I slapped myself into political alert after the inauguration.  Why was I licking my wounds and eating cookies when I should be safe guarding the country by watching news shows all day?  Dusk 'til dawn talking heads and the mind numbing, brain cell killing scroll at the bottom of the screen. 

I have too many friends now to keep track of: Brian Williams, Andersen Cooper, Van Jones (isn't he a hottie?), Don Lemon, David Gergen, Rachel Maddow, the ever enigmatic Greta Van Susteren (bi-political in my estimation) and scads of others. To say nothing of my personal spy operation over at FOX- very deep throat.  I have learned that news isn't always news but fake. And would you ever have guessed there's an alternative to reality without dropping acid? 

What ever happened to "no news is good news?"  There is no such thing as it bombards me every waking moment like a rapid fire machine gun: Obamacare, Trumpcare( he doesn't really care), Russian interference, pipelines, tax cuts, North Korea, China, wall building ( Mexico is never paying), Darth Vader (aka Steve Bannon), more military, less NPR; this is what my poor addled brain wakes up to and yet I lunge for the remote even before caffeine.

 I have searched the internet for a local exorcist to come free me of addiction as I fear a man of the clergy would be impotent in this area.  Hmmmm, Viagra? Big Pharma call me.

2 comments:

gail maria said...

This is one of my most fun to write

Jen Jen Pinto said...

Testing testing 1 2 3.