Happy 90th birthday Dad. He turned 90 even though he's been telling people for the last three years he's 90. He's the only person I know that lies in an upward direction. My Mother has been tweaking her age as long as I've known her. Rumor has it she has two drivers license with different ages. Knowing Mom she might even have more than one birth certificate. She's a trickster. I've followed faithfully in her footsteps since I was 40. Until 40 I bragged upwards every year as people never thought I looked my age. Thirty was a breeze - no problema for this girl. "Yep I'm 30 and I don't give a damn," was my attitude. Then along came 40 and I went into hiding right after the birthday cake. "I can't possibly be 40," I would cry myself to sleep. My friend Bob had to do an "age intervention." He dragged me out of bed to go drink.
I didn't give Dad a present yet because he returns all gifts, even pastries ,which I thought he couldn't bring back, but found a way. But I will say that the very best gift he received was from the Department of Motor Vehicles of Illinois. Ya gotta love their generosity. The DMV re-newed my Dad's driver's license for his birthday. Yea way to go! Now my present to everyone who lives near Dad is telling them to stay home and off the roads. This includes all the folks who like to shop at Nordstroms and Neiman Marcus because he drives my Mother there a lot to shop. Why don't we take his keys away you might ask yourself? We did and even sold his car but when no one was looking he tricked us and went out and bought a new one. He's crafty.
The worst part is I know the day will come when my son is standing in front of me requesting the car keys. "No anything but the keys!, I'll scream clutching them in my hand and running or by then crawling out the door. Take my good china that's never seen a morsel of food, my silver which is still in the tarnish proof packaging, my Tiffany wine and champagne glasses, but not the car." I'm sure he'll be gentle and consoling as he chases me down the street bribing me back with cab fares or a bus pass. Will I hand them over? You bet your sweet ass I won't. So Dad on your 90th birthday all I can say is "run!"
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My brother read that over 90% of all senior driving accidents happen when turning left into oncoming traffic. He made my mom PROMISE to go to the next intersection, turn right, followed by two more right turns, then safely cross traffic. At 94 she agreed to this "compromise" calling later to bemoan the fact that she couldn't use the left turn arrow, and after going around the block had to dart across 8 lanes of traffic to get to the grocery store. The moral of this story is as long your dad doesn't have a heart attack while driving, he is probably a lot safer on the road than our kids...he doesn't know how to drive and text and knows to use a left turn arrow.
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