I have reached a TV watching nadir. It finally happened, I acheived watching the lowest form of programming to date. Ironically it feels like a "personal best." This has nothing to do with my life long addiction to "All My Children," which btw is highbrow by comparison. And as a quick aside, I desperately need to know the name of Susan Lucci's plastic surgeon. Surprisingly my TV nadir isn't "The Housewives of Orange County" either. I was lulled into thinking those wacked out women were the epitome of broadcasting hell but they're not. I watched five consecutive episodes last week because apparently I have no life. I hung on through Lynn's face lift and her daughter's nose job and reeled with nausea. Do not watch the Housewives after you've eaten . I sat wide-eyed as they pranced around Orange County nearly naked in their colorful "tribal" clothes. I wondered why they weren't on the "travel channel" or featured in "National Geographic?"
Yet alas, the Housewives have been surpassed in shallowness by "The Millionaire Matchmaker." I have to ask, why, why, why this is a program? More importantly,why was I watching? I sat through four episodes which amounted to witnessing 16 dates. I concluded that the men were in search of giant breasts and the women a VISA card with no limit. Patti, who runs this millionaire match making service is a dominatrix type who tries to keep the wild men breast hunters from behaving like reptiles and the women from having sex with them on the first date. Patti gets crazed and verbally lacerates the kids when they don't follow dating protocol. I think she whips them off screen. I looked longingly at the New York Times Book Review which sat only inches away from me, yet kept watching. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, Patti made me realize I don't have the giant breasts it takes to get a millionaire, although I am good at following directions which would make her happy.
I put the clicker down, picked up the book review and felt oddly proud of achieving a TV low.
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1 comment:
Well written, save the possible redundancy in the beginning.
For someone as well read and intelligent as you, you certainly are developing a taste for worst. What's next, notable quotes from Jerry Springer?
If your watch tv tonight you can reach down even further in bad programming. It will be an extraordinary lesson in word-smithing otherwise known as dancing on the head of a pin. The theme will probably be to apologize while still blaming the previous administration, the Cabinet, the Congress and/or the American people in general. After all, all they can say is "merci beaucoup". What could they possible know?
Did you read Bob Herbert in the NY Times yesterday? It's an interesting twist for the paper that helped it all happen.
Lastly, if you don't have enough silicone for a millionaire see if you can find a 1/2 million or at least a guy with maximum social security benefits.
Good luck.
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