MY INVISIBLE LIFE

 I vanished.  Invisible!  Where did I go?  HELLO!!!  Can you see me now? I still have an Instagram account. Maybe I’m on a milk carton, or sign at a tollway booth.  Does a woman become "Vapor Woman" after her 50th birthday?  Poof gone, it's all over but the funeral arrangements.  I find this deeply disturbing and obviously need a better sense of humor to pass the remaining years. 

  

But wait, hold on just a second, there might be hope as Gwyneth Paltrow just declared she is 45 and also peri menopausal - a double whamee yet she's still visible. Why her and not me?  Her face isn't on a milk carton but in fashion magazines. I wonder if she sees a reflection when she looks in the mirror?  I admit I was surprised by her big announcement, but she's a trickster and also has a new product line called Madame Ovary for menopausal women. I am suspect of her motives but maybe she can save me from my vaporous state.  I have my fingers crossed but might get arthritis first.

And how about the big announcement that Candice Bushnell who brought us "Sex and the City" is coming out with a new book about being over 50.  Ha, ha, ha.  I would be more curious as to how Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda would cope with middle age but will have to settle for Ms.Bushnell's new single life.  I wonder if she can find sex in ANY city and make it a hot story line this time around.  Not many Mr. Big types out there now that you're sixty.  Slim pickins' isn't it Candice?  I have no interest in sharing my dating or sex life as it reads more like "Apocalypse Now" than "Fifty Shades of Gray."  I hope she is luckier than I am but I kind of doubt it. Maybe all I can hope for is the name of a good plastic surgeon.

P.S.  I will be making my own funeral arrangements.