Who Are the People in "People?"

It is shocking and deeply disturbing to admit that I no longer know anyone who is in "People" Magazine. I used to actually look forward to reading it in line at the grocery store. What better and cheaper way to pass the time behind someone whose cart is piled to overflowing than grabbing the "People" off the rack and finishing it before it's your turn? It was so entertaining that I didn't even start screaming and crying when folks pulled out coupons which took 30 minutes for the check-out girl to decipher. I loved a crowded grocery store. I also actually looked forward to the Dentist as God love him he keeps his subscription to "People" current. I have spent many happy hours in his waiting room catching up on back issues. I even read them between Novocaine shots. Of course "People" magazine was a secret vice as I never ever confessed that I read it. I've been known to put it inside "The New Yorker" to protect my image. Don't ask what "image" - it just makes me feel better to think I have one to uphold.

Now I open the precious magazine and turn page after page after page and think to myself "who are these people?" I have no idea. Apparently they are famous but I have to ask myself , where , why, and how? It scares me that they are in movies and videos I've never heard of or seen. The "announcement" page makes me dive for the Kettle One or consider driving off a cliff as the people in the "birthday" paragraph are half my age. I could be everyone's Mother or worse Nana! Again I ask myself , who are these people and why don't I know them ? Where are the stars I used to love? Faye Dunaway come back darlin' I need you. Make a movie or music video with Harrison Ford so I can sleep at night.

I won't even start on the music videos I have never seen by artists whose names are just two letters both being consonants. Thankfully I know Lady GaGa but might have just spelled it wrong. I bet she's happy her Mom made her take piano lessons. I also hope Justin Bieber reaches puberty soon or he should seek medical attention. Mick Jagger come back to me but please stop having children with women younger than your other children.  Sadly I now stand in the grocery store line or sit in my Dentist's office tempted to pick up the "People" but knowing it will only serve to remind me that the pages are filled with stars who could call me Nana.